I Have Mom Guilt Because I Trust Myself More Now
I didn’t know that it was possible to experience any worse mom guilt than I already had, but since the birth of my second child (aka Sleeps When Held), I have been plagued with it.
I was surprised when it struck because Sleeps When Held and I were off to an awesome start. My husband and I actually did what we felt what right for him at his birth, and with his homecoming, instead of what other people wanted. It was marvelous, and the streak of awesomeness continued.
This time around, I feel like I understand what my baby needs more often. I have done this before. It is familiar. But, it struck anyway. The guilt. Heavy. Always on my mind…
Why? Because my momtastic baby whispering reminds me that I learned everything I know somewhere. Where? Baby boot camp courtesy of child numero uno. And… cue the mom guilt.
Even though I had read 1.54 million “how to” baby books with #1 (aka The King), I truly had no idea what I was doing, and I had no confidence. Evidently, this is a bad combo. Kind of like doing seven shots of tequila then logging onto Facebook. Except this is my child, and I know nothing about the former.
As a result of my nasty combination of no experience and no confidence, I ended up ignoring my gut intuition all too often. I would have an instinct about something, but people would tell me that I was wrong and/or overreacting. So, for some time, I went along with what other people “knew” about my child. And… my child paid the consequences.
Thankfully, this didn’t go on too long because I have no pride. In this world, I want nothing more than to do right by my children. So, after The King was born, with no pride to put aside, I went to a therapist for help. It ended up being, bar none, the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
As I’ve mentioned before, it took this therapy for me to learn how much I already knew. Slowly but surely, I am learning to trust myself and ignore the critics, and my children will reap the benefits. But… there are still mistakes I made before I began to trust myself, and even with therapy, I’m not perfect. Shoot. For 95 bucks a session, I was kind of hoping for a third arm or something, but as it turns out, I’m still human. I will continue to make mistakes. Not to mention, I am only one person, and I now have more than one child who needs me.
So, as long as this damn mom guilt continues, I will keep paying $95 a session to be reminded that my parenting will never be perfect. It will never be enough, but my love will bridge the gap…
More by me @ www.inthemomlight.com.
Photo Credit: eyesogreen.