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Make sure your teen can complete this sentence: “My parents would kill me if…”
As a teenager growing up, I’ll bet you could finish that sentence. “My parents would kill me if…” What were some of your answers? “If I got caught shoplifting?” “If I didn’t call when I was late?” “If I got caught drinking?” Your teenager needs to know where you absolutely put your stake in the ground, and these rules should be emblazoned in your teen’s brain. Rules this important should be rules around safety. (I’d prefer not to hear a kid say “My parents would kill me if I got a C.” Performance issues would best fall into a different, less urgent, category.)
When you have a few key rules around safety …note the word “FEW”, and are very clear in articulating them regularly, these rules are more likely to be remembered by your teenager when temptation arises. You want your teen to remember your voice and your message because your rules can keep him from making dangerous choices. Teenagers are notoriously unreliable about making good judgment calls all the time.
But you’re not done yet…there’s another part to this….hold your teen accountable. Parents, you undermine your own authority and integrity when your teenager receives no consequences when a rule has been broken. If you want them to remember the most important rules, then you’ve got to treat them as sacred.
Your most serious rules, the ones that fall into this category of “My parents would kill me if…” will change as your teens mature, so be sure you update them periodically, according to your child’s development and responsibility. And expect to discuss and reinforce these rules regularly.
For a middle schooler who comes home to an empty house after school, is he absolutely clear on his safety rules? Do you allow your high school sophomore to ride in a car with a driver who only has a junior operator’s license? How about your new driver, do you have a rule about using her cell phone when she’s driving?
Your teens need to know the answers to these questions. You play an important role in keeping your teen safe.
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