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My Son is Gay

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Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you.

I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post something more in-depth about my sweet boy and his choice of Halloween costume. Or more specifically, the reactions to it. I figure if I’m still irked by it a few days later, I may as well go ahead and post my thoughts.

Here are the facts that lead up to my rant:

  • My son is 5 and goes to a church preschool.
  • He has loved Scooby Doo since developing the ability and attention span to sit still long enough to watch it.
  • Halloween is a holiday, and its main focus is wearing a costume.
  • My son’s school had the kids dress up, do a little parade, and then change out of costumes for the rest of the party.
  • Boo’s best friend is a little girl.
  • Boo has an older sister.
  • Boo spends most of his time with me.
  • I am a woman.
  • I am Boo’s mother, not you.

So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a couple of years ago. I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because it was a cross-gendered situation, but because 5-year-olds have a tendency to change their minds. After requesting the costume a couple of more times, I said sure and placed the order. He flipped out when it arrived. It was perfect.

Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw about it. After some discussion, it comes out that he is afraid people will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the ‘making fun’ kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a child in costume?

And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him to go inside. He halts at the door. He’s visibly nervous. I chalk it up to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF A CHILD IN A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his classroom is.

And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay.

And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this, and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.

My response to that: The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.

Another mom pointed out

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nikonMom 26 pts

First off, I agree with you that it doesn't matter if he's gay, you love him.  Second, the fact that he wanted to wear that costume does NOT make him gay.  My 2 & 5 year olds play around putting on my jewelry or shoes just as much as they put on their dad's work boots, or other things.  It's what kids DO.  It's called childhood.  My 5 year old loves pink, princesses, spiderman and he-man.  I have no fears that he is gay.  Mainly because I don't care anyway, but, honestly, he seems like a healthy, normal, happy little 5 year old boy exploring his world and figuring things out.  Nothing could change the way I feel about my boys.  Nothing.

 

And you're right, those mothers ARE bullies.  If my son, or a boy in his class, would have walked in on Halloween in that costume I would have laughed and given them a high 5 for being awesome and original.

 

Thank you for your post.  Thank you for starting the conversation.  And you sound like an awesome mom with your priorities straight.

Polish Mama on the Prairie 41 pts

I think it's great that you are supporting him no matter what.

My own opinion, and this is only my opinion, however is that if he felt so scared about it that he didn't want to get out of the car, I would not have made him. You can't be there all day to protect him and he knows that. I feel sorry that there are such people as those mothers there, I truly do.

That's the other thing I *think* (and by think as in, I've never been there, never done that so really I can only speculate I would have done differently) I would have done different. As soon as those mothers would have started, I would cut them off and said "Ladies,little pitchers have big ears so I hope that you can respect us enough to wait to talk away from them." And then had such conversations in the hall or somewhere else away from the kids.

Not because you handled it wrong. You stood up for your son. But because those women are obviously nosey, cough, well, not ladies to be acting that way in front of kids about something that obviously does NOT affect THEIR lives.

Some people just need to focus on their own lives, really. I wish your son a very happy Halloween and school year.

ourgrowinggarden 5 pts

That's great that you are letting him explore and be creative in his own terms!

CroMom 16 pts

CroMom

that your not worried if your son will actually become a ninja! That's great. You're a strong woman and you have a strong thoughtful son. More power to you!

Star Traci 5 pts

God bless you! I don't know if your son is gay and as you said, I don't care. I care that you are doing your job as Mom. You are loving, encouraging, and protecting your child. It is so sad that you have to protect him from adults but nonetheless, I applaud you for creating a safe space for him to be whoever he is, explore whoever he dreams of being, and whoever he might be in the future.

Stay strong. Stand tall. And continue to be the mother your son needs. That any son (or daughter) would need.

:-)
Traci

unachicana 5 pts

My son is gay. And when he came out to himself, and then to me, his freshman year in college, I said, "Yeah. I know."

He loved being Tinker Bell as a child, and he'd carry a twig or toy wand around most the time, and he'd tap things or people and say, "Ping", then say what he turned it or them into. Gosh, that was cute. :)

Gay is ok. Homophobia is a social disease.

mickchick 5 pts

I heard about your story online and was appalled at the ABC mothers reaction. Whether your son is gay is irrelevant, as you have said... It's Halloween and he's a child who should be allowed to enjoy it with out worry.

My 6 yr old son used to hang around with twin girls in daycare (mainly because they spoke English and everyone else spoke French) and play dress up with them. The day he clip-clopped out in those plastic high heels and Cinderella dress, his educator enthusiastically sent him over to see me (I worked down the hall) and we marveled at how well he walked in the fancy shoes... The director happened by and thought he was one of the twins and told him he looked very pretty... Then when she looked again and saw that it was my son, she laughed and said 'Well you still look pretty but I thought you were K...!' Their reactions made my son feel like there was nothing wrong about what he was doing. I was and still am eternally grateful to them for that.

I just wanted to comment because I felt terrible for you and your son, and wanted to applaud your defense of him. With a support system like you, he'll be fine!

Cynthia Mckenna 5 pts

Play is how children learn about the world. You deserve "high fives" for letting Boo explore the world and express his own creativity.

And yes, his young instincts told him some people wouldn't understand, but it sounds as if you all navigated this with clarity.

Cynthia

http://gardengateblog.com

Dr Laura Markham 5 pts

You brought tears to my eyes. I'm grateful to you for sharing this experience, and wish your post could be required reading for parents and teachers in every school across the country.

I really appreciate the connection you're making between bullying and the response of these parents. Research shows that kids who are mean to others often have parents who role model some version of social exclusion.

Your son is a lucky boy. Thanks again.

Dr. Laura Markham is a clinical psychologist as well as a mother.  Her website is Aha! Parenting ( http://www.AhaParenting.com ) ... making the world a better place -- one family at a time.

nanspockets 5 pts

Best costume ever: My husband and I dressed up as a pimp and his ho. I was the pimp, he was my ho in fishnet stockings and awesome shoes. He did a striptease when we left, to raucous applause.

nanspockets 5 pts

And so does your son! We moved countries a year ago, and I gave away our dress-up clothes. Mistake! My three boys really miss ALL of them, from the spiderman cape (specially made!) to the sparkly pink feather boa and blue wig. You have inspired me to head out and start building up a new stash of dress-up stuff!

Thank you so much.

Jo Anna Guerra 5 pts

You know what I've found most interesting in hearing the debates raging over your post on TV, on the radio, and online? Everyone seems so hung up on your title.

Your title. Of all things. Because it was intentionally provocative. Because it was a concerted decision to elicit an emotional reaction. Without, of course, paying any attention at all to the very next sentence.

It was the stuff of literary genius.

So, while I'll just say that it's a given that you're clearly an awesome mother, and that your son is a freakin' ROCKSTAR, I just wanted to also be sure to offer you kudos for being an excellent writer.

Jo Anna Guerra writes The Adventures of Saia & Chago ( http://saiaandchago.blogspot.com ) and Digressions of a Mad Lesbian ( http://madlesbian.blogspot.com )

Twitter: joannaguerra ( http://www.twitter.com/joannaguerra )

Dwana of Houseonahillorg 7 pts

will bring more tolerance and love. Bravo to you. All children should be free to be who they are from Wig rocking to ditch digging. No matter what their choices, and choices change, we should be there lovingly all along the way.

I am SO blessed by this post!

I'm Houseonahillorg ~
Healthier Happier You! ( http://www.Houseonahillorg.blogspot.com )
Healthier Happier You Reviews ( http://healthierhappieryoureviews.blogspot.com/ )

alfredliveshere 5 pts

So who cares if he is gay? Who even knows at 5? Man, I am gay and didnt know anything at age 5. Just be free and enjoy!

We all know kids can be rough on each other, but for parents to be harsh or judgemental like that, just not acceptable. Bad parents...

notsosunnybrook 5 pts

Of course, some of those moms thought their kids would grow up to be Ninja's if they just let them wear that for Halloween!
Your son will have a great life, knowing he is loved for exactly and whatever he may grow up to be!

sherriequilts 5 pts

What really matters most here ... is NOT whether your son is gay or straight .. but that he has a mom who will stick up for him! My kids for Halloween over the years have been ninja turtles, princesses, GI joes, ghouls, witches, etc. At 23 and 18 neither one have "turned into" their Halloween costume. My son, now 23, told his grandma when he was about 3/4 he would one day live in a pink house and buy her a pink house. His favorite color (remember the late 80s/early 90s) was NEON glow in the dark pink ... he just asked his girlfriend to marry him. So obviously liking Neon pink had nothing to do with him as a grown up person. My daughter loved dressing up as a princess .. and now works a part time job. She realizes being a "princess" is a fairy tale, not real life. I think the most important thing is what you did ... allowing your child (girl or boy) to express themselves in a safe manner with your complete support. I'll never forget being criticized severely by a lady I worked with (who was a lesbian) for buying my daughter a play make up kit for Christmas when she was about 10. She thought I was teaching my daughter she had to make her self up for men. I said no, she just wants to experiment .. and I was right .. at 18 she wears very little make up most of the time. You GO Lees Summit Mom ... there are a ton of things we have to make our children learn/do .. eat more veggies/fruit .. be nice to people .. say thank you, etc. As parents, we have to choose our "mountains" ... what is really important that our children absolutely do or do not do .. Halloween costumes are not one of those battles.

Rose Leigh 6 pts

And he looks frigging adorable! I am still trying to get my 13 year old brother to stop thinking homosexuality is a sickness. Something he learned at his Baptist school. The same place he learned his Buddhist sister was going to burn in Hell if he didn't try to save me. This was at age 10.

And awesome observation on the ninja costume.

If you ever watch The New Adventures of Old Christine its exactly what your school moms sound like. Its sad that crappy sitcoms are really based off of real-world stupidity and prejudices.

Oh, and being in a sorority, I GUARANTEE her husband had chick clothes on at one time or another. I also guarantee she dressed as something slutty more than once for Halloween - does that mean she turned into one?

chiane 5 pts

my son even was still a baby, was always mistaken as a girl. i don't know why but maybe on how he looks. i love it when people call her beautiful because it means he is handsome. now he is 3 yrs old is still mistaken as a girl.

grannysu 7 pts

Didn't those moms have anything better to do than to make your son unhappy? My youngest son used to love "silky" as he called it. He would rub my satin bathrobe on his face and be absolutely happy. He trailed it all over the place with him. No one thought much about it, and today he's a big buff bodybuilder with several girlfriends.

What children do is child's play and nothing more. I remember dressing up as a man, a princess, a bride, a scarecrow--the possibilities were limited only by what was in our closets, not someone's warped idea of what was suitable. My older sons dressed as a bride several times, using my wedding dress; they looked great and no one seemed to think it odd. And I live in a really rural community where you think people would be more straight-laced.

And as you said--whoever he is when he grows up, he'll be your son and you will love the man he becomes. Good for you for letting your son explore his imagination. And bad on those narrow-minded women who don't really have a clue about that.

Granny Sue Stories from the Mountains and Beyond www.grannysu.blogspot.com ( http://www.grannysu.blogspot.com ) susannaholstein@yahoo.com

Theresa Milstein 6 pts

I wish more parents could be as supportive as you.

When my daughter was in kindergarten, they did a performance of Lily's Plastic Purse. The kids could play any part they wanted while the teacher narrated. One boy wanted to be Lily. And so he was with a bunch of other girls. And he was interested in "girls'" toys. Now he's in 3rd-grade and I see it less. Maybe it was a phase, maybe he's gay. I don't know or care. And neither do his parents, from what I can tell.

http://theresamilstein.blogspot.com

newmaniacs 5 pts

My two older sons, who are 17 months apart, played together constantly when they were younger. (Now they are 17 and 15 and are still good buddies, along with their 11-year-old brother.)

They were big on dress-up, and I never limited their choices. (In fact, they rarely left the house NOT in costume.) My older son - a bit of a control freak, even today! - was always the "lead" character and his brother, the "sidekick." So Jonah was Robin Hood, Aaron was Maid Marian. Jonah was Peter Pan, Aaron was Wendy. You get the picture.

My attitude was exactly like yours: who cares?? Let them express their creativity, their imaginations, their individuality. And if girls can dress up as boy characters, what is wrong with the reverse?

And if people happen to be gay, that is just part of who they are. It is not their entire identity, nor is it something they can "choose" or that can be influenced by anybody else, let alone by a costume choice they make as children. The people who have a problem with this are ridiculous - throwbacks from another era.

newmaniacs 5 pts

My two older sons, who are 17 months apart, played together constantly when they were younger. (Now they are 17 and 15 and are still good buddies, along with their 11-year-old brother.)

They were big on dress-up, and I never limited their choices. (In fact, they rarely left the house NOT in costume.) My older son - a bit of a control freak, even today! - was always the "lead" character and his brother, the "sidekick." So Jonah was Robin Hood, Aaron was Maid Marian. Jonah was Peter Pan, Aaron was Wendy. You get the picture.

My attitude was exactly like yours: who cares?? Let them express their creativity, their imaginations, their individuality. And if girls can dress up as boy characters, what is wrong with the reverse?

And if people happen to be gay, that is just part of who they are. It is not their entire identity, nor is it something they can "choose" or that can be influenced by anybody else, let alone by a costume choice they make as children. The people who have a problem with this are ridiculous - throwbacks from another era.

alyssaroyse 10 pts

Nice job on the Today Show this morning. I left a long comment on on your other blog (along with thousands of other people,) but I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. We need more moms like you, to raise more children like the children you're clearly raising. Freedom of expression is what makes us possible to figure out who we are authentically - well beyond the what-ifs of sexuality.

I've written a lot about love, acceptance, authenticity, power etc.... but until this morning, I completely forgot about this post in which I discussed trick or treating with gay parents and a totally straight teen-boy dressed as a princess. http://alyssaroyse.wordpress.com/2008/10/31/trick-or-treat/

____________

Alyssa's Endless Musings on Life & Everything Else: AlyssaRoyse.com ( http://www.alyssaroyse.com )

Kathykate 10 pts

As a mom of a male Christina Aguilera a few years back, what restraint you showed not beating the living crap out of those judgmental human beings. Not sure I'd had been so strong.

Kathykate (p/t copywriter, f/t mom)

Diary of a Return-to-Work Mom ( http://www.returntoworkmom.com/ )

MsAdventuress 6 pts

When I was little, I remember initially wanting to do things that I later worried about.

Obviously, I had no clue as to all that was involved in said things, and by the time I found out, I wanted out. Gah.

But we were not allowed to change our mind.

(And things were not explained ahead of time or via different perspectives, nor were children asked how they felt or if they had any questions...before the decisions were made. It was just...boom...you're stuck with it.)

To this day, I cringe at not having had that flexibility.

It really is more than black and white...a lot of gray is thrown in there.

If we learn one thing: There's always plenty of time to patiently discuss, think and see.

Adventuring ( http://www.msadventuress.com/ )...

Dawn_Marie 5 pts

Kids are cruel, some moms are worse. I cannot believe the nerve of those mothers criticizing you and your son. Kudos to you for allowing your son to develop however he is going to develop and not stifling his creativity or desires. His desire to dress as Daphne does NOT make him gay (or maybe it does, but as you said, who cares). You are obviously a good mother with awesome intentions and anyone who dare ridicule you for allowing your son to wear the costume of his choice needs to take a closer look at themselves and figure out what their problem is! Those mothers are the ones with the problem, not you or your son. Do not let them get you down. And btw, amazing costume, he really is just adorable!

TheMissile 5 pts

I have probably read this post 4 different times from 4 different links... I just get so happy every time I read it and remember that there are still good people - good parents out there. Best of everything to you, love.

The Demoiselles ( http://thedemoiselles.com ) / Community ( http://thedemoiselles.com/community/ )
A forum for women to discuss body image, media standards, and... everything else!

unbrokenworld 5 pts

This actually brought tears to my eyes because I know a little boy who your son's story brings to mind. He's 7, and I was his nanny for three years (he's still my buddy; I'll see him on Thursday for his day off on Veteran's Day!). Every single day he wore a costume (usually a pirate costume)... until he got old enough to notice that other kids thought it was weird. He owns a skirt that he picked out at a store as well, but he only wore it once or twice because people kept asking why he was wearing girl clothes. But he's still very much his own person and currently has sparkly blue shoes and lime-green painted toenails because, like you, his parents are awesome and have no weird hang-ups about the kind of person their son may or may not choose to be some day a long, long time from now when he is an adult.

It's strange, how people so often mistake love and care and concern for what is actually their own discomfort with things that don't feel "right" to them. Those other moms probably really thought they could effect some sort of positive change on your son's life by saying what they did to you. Regardless, the fact that it's EASIER to examine others than to examine ourselves doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do.

I really believe that the influence YOU have in these situations will matter more to your son in the long run than the influence others have. And he can pass that on to his own children, should he have any. :)

Julie Anita @ The Unbroken World ( http://unbrokenworld.blogspot.com )

Karinya @ Unlikely Origins 6 pts

I love this entry. I think the way you stood up to the other mothers and made them confront their own issues was fantastic! I'd like to think I'd do the same, but it's so tempting to back down in those situations or let things go with a polite smile and a nod just to avoid confrontation. Way to go, mama.

(And on a lighter note, your comment about the ninja cracked me up!)

blogging with love at Unlikely Origins: How a Computer Geek, a Writer, and an Opinionated Toddler Form a Family. ( http://unlikelyorigins.blogspot.com/ )

foodiemama 5 pts

My heart broke hearing that your son was worried about how he would be perceived...at 5. My daughter is 4, and her male friends love coming to our house and trying out her high heeled princess shoes and dress up clothes. It makes me so sad to know how quickly they will feel self-conscious.

It also makes me sad that the reaction of the moms you encountered doesn't surprise me. We've come a long way, I suppose, in that people aren't nearly as homophobic as they used to be. But now we're in this place where a lot of people say, "Hey, I have a friend who's gay!" but still pray really hard every night that no one they are really close to would ever be a homosexual.

I do think we'll get there eventually as a society, but it will be a process. Luckily there are moms like you helping that process along!

www.quinoaandcornchips.blogspot.com ( http://www.quinoaandcornchips.blogspot.com )

RamblingHutch 5 pts

I don't know if you can stand to hear any more praise, but can I just say Hallelujah? I have four brothers and my mother used to be terrified that one of them would turn out to be gay. Since then, she has changed her opinion completely. Many of her colleagues are homosexuals, as are many of my friends. My mom is now among those of us who fight for acceptance of what is simply another way to live. People can change their hearts and minds. So even though moms like the ones you described exist, it gives me hope to know that you love and support your son one-hundred percent, regardless of what he turns out to be. Thank you!

-RamblingHutch

http://sporadicsporkitudes.blogspot.com/

Laura Confer 5 pts

I love what you have to say; I only wish more parents could be so logical.

Laura Confer blogs ( http://theconferfamily.wordpress.com ) about her family life, cooking, and grad school too!    

en.taylor 5 pts

I applaud you!! It breaks my heart to think that such a sweet child could be afraid to express himself for fear of being bullied! I would have done the exact same thing you did! My son has two older sisters. He loves to play with Barbies and baby dolls. He carries a purse around and wears his sister's princess crowns. He is learning about the world around him and what he sees us doing. He doesn't know the difference between playing with a Barbie or a Tonka Truck. He just knows he likes it! When in life do we start losing that innocence and curiosity for the world around us for fear of being ridiculed by our peers??? Your son is very lucky to have a mother like you!!!
Thank you for sharing your story!

Best Wishes,
Erica
http://www.theadventuresoflifeandmotherhood.blogspot.com

lovelifelies 5 pts

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this. =) It is a brilliant costume! He's precious. I dressed as Powerrangers, Ninja Turtles...I think my mom got me to be Cinderella one year!! As for the gender issue, children do this. Nothing wrong with it. If he happens to end up gay, SO WHAT? Love is Love!!

Dana J. Tuszke 5 pts

I have two sons who spend most of their time at home with me. Sometimes I paint my nails in front of them. When my now 6-year-old was in preschool he asked if I would paint his finger nails and I did... Bright, bubblegum pink. He thought it was the coolest thing ever. I forgot all about it and he went to school with the nail polish on. One of the other mothers said to me at drop off, "Why didn't you paint his toenails instead? That way no one can see it."

Sadly, I didn't know what to say in response. I just fake-smiled and walked away, hiding my anger.

I wish I could have been as brave as you are. Thanks for sharing with us.

scottmcleod 5 pts

Your son's lucky to have you as a mom. Keep up the good fight and thanks for sharing your story.

Jennymoomeow 5 pts

My son is 4 and he has occasionally wanted to try my make up or wear jewelery. It's no big deal. His favorite blanket happens to be lavendar purple. He used to take it to daycare and we'd get funny looks but no one ever said anything to me about it. He still has that blanket and won't sleep without it. I'm not at all concerned if he is or isn't going to be gay. He's just being himself. Kudos to you for giving your son the same support.

One more thought has crossed my mind, that perhaps you live in a less open-minded or tolerant part of the country. Still, it's a shame that we all can't just let our kids be kids.

(PS I wonder moms ABC were ever witches for Halloween. That might explain their current behavior.)

decaf_debi 5 pts

A couple of different facts and I could have been the one writing this post.

I have two sons, Little A, a 3-year-old and Big A, his brother who will turn 5 next month. Big A is also obsessed with Scooby Doo, and particularly with Daphne. He also goes to a Christian daycare, and has a lot of girl friends. Like most kids, he wants to emulate what he sees adults doing around him. That means he likes to help me cook, has played in my high heels and jewelry, and he loves to have his fingernails and toenails polished. We give each other manis and pedis.

But unlike Boo, he has let some of his fears about what people will think start to affect him. He proudly walked into daycare over the summer with bright purple polish toes, and thanks to sandals, was able to show them off to all of his friends. Two teachers gasped and asked me how he had managed to sneak into my polish AND get his sandals on without me noticing. I told them we painted them together and that he selected the color in the store. Starting that day, he has only wanted his toes painted if he will be wearing socks, and he says he doesn't want his fingers painted anymore.

He's also started pointing to toys in the Christmas catalogs and stating that he doesn't want them because they are girly, and he wants me to tell his friends' parents to be sure he doesn't get any "girly" presents at his birthday party next month because he's worried about opening them in front of people.

He's NOT EVEN FIVE and he has these concerns. He's my son. He's a sweet, gentle soul who really does try to put others first. Last night at his bedtime, I mentioned that my knee hurt after running earlier in the day. He ran out of the room and came back with an ice pack from the freezer, a towel to wrap it in, and told me to relax on my bed so he could take care of me. He sat next to me and pulled my head onto his shoulder and petted my hair. If that's because he's a super-sensitive gay boy, so be it. If that's because he just has a sweet soul, so be it. Why should any of that stuff matter, especially to an adult?

I feel your anger. I feel your frustration. And I feel your love. I'm right there with you and hope your son always feels secure enough to be exactly who he is, without fear and without apology.

Debi, grinding through life at www.decafdiaries.com ( http://www.decafdiaries.com )
and paying the bills at www.brandnewconcept.com ( http://www.brandnewconcept.com )

Kristy Dolha 5 pts

AB&C are pathetic! Really?! We need to get critical about a child's Halloween costume?

My personal favourite of your "facts":
I'M BOO'S MOTHER, NOT YOU

Loved this post!

Life - Inspired by the Wee Man ( http://www.weeman.ca )

Random Chick 6 pts

Thank you for this post.

* * * * * * * * * *

Random Chick Blog: Woman. Wife. Mother. Member of an Insane Society. ( http://www.randomchickblog.com/ )

Liz Henry 12 pts

Your son looks fabulous! I completely agree with you about people's judgmental comments on little kids' gender. Other moms were always saying catty things about my son and trying to "reassure" me that maybe he would get more macho as he got older. Like I care and like it was any of their business how macho or unmacho he was at 3 or 4 years old... I think preschool is the worst for enforcing gender stereotypes!

I still fondly remember my Gandalf costume when I was 8. No one said anything about my putting on a long grey beard!

-----------------
Liz Henry
Composite: Tech & Poetics ( http://bookmaniac.com/ )
Badgermama ( http://badgermama.com )

theoutcast 8 pts

This brought tears to my eyes. You are an outstanding Mom! Kids really need Moms to be their heroes in this way. This is going to be a popular post.

I always say that I would rather my son tell me he loves another man than tell me he wants to hurt another man.

He looks like he was a wonderful Daphne!

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

katal1 6 pts

My nephew at 4, 5, 6, 7, loved girls toys and clothes, he'd dress up and play, he had a great imagination. My brother used to collect all his Barbies at night and throw them out, the nephew would just get more. Today he is 14 and based in his facebook postings, he is a very healthy male who has very healthy (if not somewhat alarming) interest in females. Don't be so quick to judge, it's all imaginary and fun and not an issue unless you make it one.

onblank 5 pts

And such a double standard! If those horrible, horrible mothers saw a 5-year old girl rocking a hard hat and coveralls because she wanted to be a construction worker for Halloween they'd probably drool all over her cuteness.

I've always found it fascinating how children arrive with no prejudices about other people. We're the ones that teach them to hate.

Good job, Moms A, B, and C. You've certainly arranged your salvation with that attitude.

Solidarity.

--Kristina

www.OnBlank.com ( http://www.OnBlank.com )

Barbara-The Middle Ages 5 pts

So brave. So well said. Of course our kids are who they are and always will be no matter what we "allow" or not.

I JUST blogged about this very thing (called it -- facetiously -- What kind of mother am I?!) because I let my daughter go through every stage of style and dress known to ... well, style. I realized that every time I balked in the early years of it (when she was 12), it was because I worried what other people would think. When I realized that, I knew it was a slippery slope.

What terrible thing happened? Only that she grew up grounded and secure and brave and wonderful. Her very own self. (not to mention pretty darned stylish!).

Your son is in the very best hands. And PS, LOVE his costume!

The Middle Ages ( http://themiddle-ages.blogspot.com/ )      Two Friends--different ages, different husbands, different opinions

moxiemom 6 pts

Thanks for sharing! lol.

Best,

Margee 

Blogger at www.sleepingwiththelaundry.com ( http://www.moxiemom.com/ ) and author of the iPhone app, Sleeping With the Laundry: Notes from the Mommy Track,

DebtPrincess 5 pts

I would have done exactly the same as you! My son told me just yesterday that when he grows up he wants to be a dog. The imagination is a wonderful thing!

I have a good friend who blogs at http://www.electricboogaloo.net/wordpress/ and her son went as a princess!! It was fabulous!

http://DebtPrincess.blogspot.com

http://www.twitter.com/Debt_Princess

I was dumb. I am broke. I'm learning, took me long enough! Right?

adougherty 5 pts

When I was a kid I consistently went for Halloween as "male" characters (Spiderman, a pirate, a hobo) and was often confronted with "Don't you want to be a princess, sweetie?" (thankfully never by my mother or any adult whose opinion really mattered).

I'm sorry that this kind of gender expectation defiance is still so hard on little boys when there's no reason it should be (seriously, it's a Halloween costume) but I can't say I'm unhappy that girls are finally getting a pass from conforming to gender "norms."

Erin Bella 15 pts

Of course, you don't need my thanks. But thank you all the same for fulfilling your duty as a mother and being a good one at that.

For the record, I do not have any children, nor am I a lesbian. However, I have two nephews, the older of which "scared" some family members (myself included) for a few years when he was younger. Because he liked shopping and scented lotions and dangly earrings and playing with dolls. And he just loved pink.

Luckily, I quickly got over it after defending my actions to family and friends.

As a young boy, he's not gay or straight. He's a child -- and part of our job as parents (or aunts) is to keep them acting their age. So if my 4 year old nephew likes my jewelry I don't need to react as if he's a metrosexual in the making. And buying him pink clothes or letting him wear my perfume certainly will not make him gay. Those things only make him look and smell wonderful!

Whether he's gay or straight, turns out that way or was born that way is really and truly not a concern of mine or anyone's business - except the people who he's romantically involved with. My job is both easy and hard. It's easy to love him and care for him and support him and it's hard to watch people we love live in fear. It's hard to teach a young child that people will judge them based on decisions they make. I know I had to teach my nephew that lesson -- that he will undoubtedly make choices that I will not agree with -- who to date, when to date, how to dress, the kind of language he uses, how he spends his money, how fast he drives. It's life. And teaching them right from wrong has nothing to do with the way someone dresses on Halloween or how they dress in everyday life -- but it prepares us for letting go and making sure they're ready to make decisions and live with the consequences both good and bad.

Today my nephew is 9 years old and healthy and happy and obsessed with WWE and RAW wrestlers. He doesn't own anything pink, wears cologne everyday, likes hip hop music, riding his bike and wants an Iphone for Christmas. I consider his increasing materialistic ways to be a much bigger headache than anything else.

Unfortunately I'm more like my own aunts than I care to be -- always asking my nephews about their grades, homework, girlfriends AND boyfriends. It annoys my nephews to no end that I even dare ask about his "love" life but whether or not he appreciates that I include both genders, I know I'm planting the seeds of acceptability in his mind and heart. Our children will not always hear the right messages from society, but my nephew knows that it's okay to be gay.

ModaMama 6 pts

Or Daphne or whatever a five year old can come up with is no sin. If in a few years he's still dressing like Daphne you might consider that he has some serious dilemmas with his own gender or maybe that he still finds dressing up in big wigs a blast. If you said he could be anything... why can't he be anything? He seems pretty happy with his costume choice, so that is the most important anything of all. But yes, different in any regard will be a lot of little uphill battles, not because a costume makes your son gay but because our surroundings often dull out the uniqueness and creativity of our children if we aren't careful. Good news for you, your son seems to be overflowing with those two qualities and there isn't a reason in the world to teach your five year old to be ashamed of himself.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice