My Son Has a Super Power

Thank you for sharing this. It's sad, isn't it. I've never understood why people are so afraid.

Meghan

http://taderbaby.blogspot.com

I had a sister born as a blue baby. We were fortunate to have her for twenty years when she was taken away. She went through life trying so hard only to get bullied by the kids at school and some times also in her social life. She had a few friends in her life that treated her kindly, but she always said I was her best friend. I took the time to listen. Every day she came to my bedroom and sat on my bed and chatted. By the age of twenty her strongest desire was to go to heaven to be with her Dad. Let us all learn from those special needs people and treat them specially, you will see more brightness in your life from them.

Also the reason I clicked this article first? was because I recognized his picture. :) did I blow his cover?

You come to my place! What lack of respect. I'm so sorry. hugs for your little dude.

My son is undiagnosed. He has no label stuck on him. For years, I've tried to have a label pinned to him, but there is not clear way medically to define my son. Now, 9 years later I'm glad.

My son has the Super Power of being way too friendly. This annoys people. He was also very tall/big for his age - at age 3 people thought he was 6. He used to hollar really loud in stores that he LOVED his Daddy the Fireman and then he'd hollar he loved his other Daddy the Farmer, just so we are clear they were the SAME person. LOL

I had cards made up for the people who were cranky they read something along the lines of,

My little boy is really just 3, he loves his mom and he loves his DADDY!
My son has multiple diagnosis to explain his behaviour away but you have only rudeness to explain your behaviour today.

I'm sorry you were offended by what you witnessed today, but I'm not offended that I get to hold my boy for one more day.
God Bless.

I handed a card out to one woman once who kept telling her children that no big boy like that should be acting like a baby, flopping himself around in the shopping cart and carrying on so loud.

A few weeks later, I ran into her again without her children and she stopped me, I expected a tongue lashing and instead she told me she was sorry she had judged my son so quickly. I accepted her apology and thanked her and introduced her to my son. They had a great "conversation" and then she left with tears in her eyes.

My son would love to meet your son, my son just needs a smile to start talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, his mouth is like an energizer bunny!

I love my son's super power and I wish more people had it!

Wish that would be published.
There's many kids out there that suffer with that, I believe they wished not be treated so different.
My uncle is in a wheelchair, and though he has no mental disability, people still treat him as an invisible.

Beautiful message.

If he would have come to my door and I had seen his bag was empty I would have given him half of what I had. If I could I would send him so much candy he wouldn't know what to do with it all. I will really send candy from and online store if you want. I feel so bad for him all children need is a little respect and kindness. Even if they are just strangers at your door. I hope next year is different.

I say this because I teach students with severe disabilities. We provide opportunities for students in regular ed to come into our class and join us for activities. We go into the community and when people stare...we march up and introduce ourselves and hold out our hands for a handshake (sometimes with help). Luckily no one has ever been rude when faced with a cute drooly face up close and personal. We now have lots of new friends in our school and community but it takes being brave and calling the bluff of those who dare to stare. Ban the R Word campaign has also given us money to promote opportunities to bridge this gap and promote understanding.
I admire you Tanis for being a wonderful mom to this beautiful boy! I see him and he has a special sparkle!

Very powerful. That breaks my heart. All children should have a superhero mom like you. Thank you for sharing his story.

Lisa Nicole Morrow

Smart Mamas Blog ( http://smartmamas.wordpress.com/ )

Smart Mamas on Twitter  ( http://www.twitter.com/SmartMamas )

( http://www.facebook.com/pages/Smart-Mamas/15940186... )

This piece just wrenched my heart into knots. I'm sorry you and your son had to go through such a hurtful experience, but by writing about it, you have empowered so many of those with that "superpower" to shed their cloak of invisibility. I wish your precious boy had come to my door on Halloween. He would've received not only two handfuls of candy, but a HUGE smile in return. <3

http://www.champuru.net/blog

Your story is tough to read, in a good way. It's hard to read the words because we all know that person looking through your son could have been our own self on any given day.

I agree with the others commenting that many of us just don't know what to do or how to respond and we don't want to seem rude by staring or asking why he is different.

Children aren't afraid to ask those kinds of questions. They simply want to know. I envy children being able to look at someone--anyone--and ask why that person looks "different" or "funny". I am not one of those parents that tries to hush my child for asking a question that others may find inappropriate or out of place.

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I will continued to encourage my son to ask questions --about anything and everything-- and I hope the next time that I see someone who is disabled, especially a child, I will not be afraid to look that child in the eye and perhaps even politely ask about that child.

Can you offer any guidance on the polite/non-intrusive way to ask a parent that question.

http://iwantthursdays.blogspot.com

how powerful. Your boy is beautiful, I would have looked and smiled back. Motherhood.Squared ( http://www.blogher.com/www.motherhoodsquared.com/b... )

I wish you had come to my house on Halloween. That beautiful boy would have gotten double the treats. No, wait, triple.

Your boy is so handsome, and I LOVE his hair!!

As I read your words in the mindset of a mother, I felt your pain deeply. It must be incredibly difficult, to see your child, whom you love so much and intimately know all of the beautiful value of their life, be dismissed as a very worthy physical presence on a daily basis. I agree with other posters....I think people just don't know what to do. What to say. How to act. They wonder, if I speak to him, can he answer? If I smiled at him, will he know or will 'I' look foolish for thinking he could smile back? I am betting, far more often than not, it is not at all about your son, but about those dropping the ball. It's so not fair, and it doesn't hurt any less, I am sure. But it may be some explanation that I hope is comforting in some little way.

This very piece you wrote here, has created awareness! It effected people, moved hearts, drew tears, guilt and brought light to a subject that needs light!! I think it would be so wonderful if you kept on destroying the ignorance going on. Use this forum, use your blog if you have one, or guest write on others, even create a printed piece, to draw more awareness about this very subject, along with lots of education and suggestions, teaching people how they can and should interact with and and all people with disabilities! I think it would be beautiful work that this world needs!

If there is anything I could do to help you do more like this, I am voluntarily willing! I'm an artist, I'm a blogger, and I can lay out printed pieces for you. I also have printing resources. Contact me anytime. I'd love to help you wake up the world, and make your son, and every other gift of life with disabilities, VISIBLE. They deserve all of the love and attention too.

~ Laura (a.k.a. LLR) www.ourhouseofjoyfulnoise.com ( http://www.ourhouseofjoyfulnoise.com )

i just want to say that, for every time i have turned my head because *i* was uncomfortable and didn't want to be embarassed, or to embarass the disabled, i am sorry. to you and your son.

for not knowing what to do, please forgive me. for being someone who pours out love and grace to everyone else and then quickly walks past those who can't themselves walk, i am just sorry.

i'd like to think i'm more sensitive than that -and, in cases when i know the person or the family, i am. but when i am uncomfortable i pretend like i can't see and i am so, so sorry. i don't remember ever being 'taught', really, how to treat people who are so different...who are really not that different.

i will do better. be better. because i know better, i do.

i just became a member of blogher just now for the sole purpose of telling you that.

forgive me.

xo

Great post! My DS has Autism and, because he pretty much does his own thing and is non-verbal, people don't know how to interact with him either. Thank you for sharing what us moms of kids with special needs are screaming each and every day!

This made me so sad.

I can't believe anyone - much less as many as you described, would ignore your sweet boy. Some people are truly ignorant.

 http://www.themarthacomplex.blogspot.com/

I understand what you mean. 2 of my children are autistic and, when the tantrums come on people always have one of two reactions -- ignoring us is the more common. As my kids get older, I hope that they don't see themselves as ignored.

Your son is NOT invisible. He is LOVED. Just because others can't see past the ends of their own noses (as the saying goes), he will always see that. And that's the most important part.

For my full blog, please see http://myfamilysexperiencewithautism.blogspot.com/

...and virtual smiles and hugs to your son.

I cannot read your post without tears. I work with children in my daughters school, as well as the mentally ill, and the elderly. It makes me crazy when any of them try to be seen, acknowledged, and accepted, and are not "seen". It breaks my heart. We all want to be seen, and to be acknowledged. We want to be connected to each other, and part of humanity.

Thank you so much for your post, and your loving tribute to your son. What a good, warrior mom. Thank you.

I don't think we hear enough perspective from Moms like yourself. I think there is a rudeness factor people are trying to avoid generally but he was clearly trick or treating. You are such a wonderful advocate for that handsome young man.

There is so much to learn from what you wrote about here. As a mom, I have had opportunities to interact with parents who have children with a disability and have become fascinated and more appreciative with life in it's variations. I found parents more than willing to talk about what is wonderful and special about their children and how much they love them -- just as I love my son.

I have been quite inspired by the strength in the parents and their children who live with the challenges and hopes that come with caring for a disabled child. I wish that was something that everyone could see.

This is truly a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it!

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

My litttle brother has a disease called albinism and ik what you mean when your talking about your son being invisible. Every one just walks by my little brother. he has absant seizures. the least he has is 35 per minutes. most just look down on him like he is a monster because he is different. Not only does he have albinism, he also has adhd odd rad and he is autistic.

I agree that sometimes this IS the reason that people seem to ignore those with disabilities, because they are actually attempting NOT to be rude.

However, I'm pretty sure good intentions aren't ALWAYS the case. But I find that people today are simply rude. I find that with my son, who does not have disabilities, I am often suprised by how many times his smiles are greated with sneers or ignored completely. I simply don't under stand how anyone can look at a sweet child smiling at them and not smile back. Sometimes I can blow it off as they were simply to busy, they didn't notice him etc. But sometimes I can see them literally glare at him, as if he was bothering them with his mere smile! It happened just this weekend. While waiting for a table at a restaurant, my adorable 2 year old was dancing to the music and smiling away at a gentleman who looked at him with COMPLETE disgust before putting his head back and closing his eyes. I truly do not know what is wrong with people anymore!
All this is not to say that you shouldn't feel hurt, or that how you feel people are reacting to your child isn't totally there. But to say that maybe a little of it is simply that some people SUCK and it wouldn't matter who you were, they wouldn't be kind to you or your child! I don't know how you react to those situations as I am sure it feels much more personal to you than when a grumpy old guy ignores my child, but I've started making comments to my husband (or whomever I'm with) loud enough for others to hear. Something like, wow they must be having a REALLY bad day to act like that to child. Makes me feel a little bit better.
Let me end by offering hugs to both you and your super adorable little man!!!!!

Your post is so amazingly true. My family encounter the very same half glances when we are with my sister in law. People have the tendency to look but not look.

Katy's Mom

"I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids."

so powerful and well written! i came across this because it was on the front page when i signed in. your son is beautiful. you must be a very proud mama. and he's a very lucky boy to have a champion like you.

And I think often it doesn't come from a place of bad intent. Often it is just not being sure of the right thing to do. Acknowledge? Don't? Is it wrong to pretend not to notice? Is it even honest? Is it OK to comment? What would cause the LEAST offense?

When my kids were younger, they would take an interest in what was different and comment and ask questions. I think coming from a child, it's acceptable. "Mommy, why is that boy in a wheelchair?" they might ask. "I'm not sure - maybe you can ask him?" I might have said.

But even that is risky. Some people don't WANT the differences noticed, commented upon.

But no one wants to feel invisible. As a mother, I can understand your pain. We don't want our children to feel hurt by others, shunned or even different when that difference is misunderstood or perceived somehow to be negative.

I'm sorry you and your little boy experienced this. I hope writing your piece was helpful to you, and I hope it is helpful to all who read it.

JustLinda

fabulously imperfect Nothing to See Here... Just Linda ( http://justlinda.net )

Twitter @JustLindaSTL

I agree with Palaverer. People don't know what to do. All your childhood you are told not to stare at people who look different than you. You don't want to be rude. But perhaps it is different with children, and I will say hello and smile to one the next time I see a physically challenged child.

I hope you can understand where I am coming from.

He is NOT invisible....and best of all....He is LOVED!

...is beautiful, as is this post. Thank you so much for sharing. We were definitely a little short on trick-or-treaters, and even if we hadn't been, of course, would have loved to see him and the others.

He has a beautiful smile, and beautiful eyes.

I was browsing around the website tonight and feel very grateful to have read this incredibly touching piece.

Thank you for sharing your boy with us.

Lyndsay ~ The Kitchen Witch ( http://www.kitchenwitchmaven.com )

There is a cultural taboo about staring at someone who appears different. I think many people are afraid that if they are noticed to so much as glance at such a person, they will be thought of as staring (or perhaps they are afraid that they will stare).

Professor of psychology Ellen Langer noticed something interesting about our reactions to extraordinary individuals. In her book, Mindfulness, she writes:

“People stare at novel stimuli. When the novel stimulus is a person, however, it is culturally unacceptable to stare. Therefore, we reasoned, people may avoid those who are different in an effort to avoid the conflict between wanting to stare and feeling it inappropriate to do so.”

She tested this hypothesis by setting up a study that partnered a subject with a woman who was either pregnant, in a leg brace, or visually normal. Some subjects were given the opportunity to discreetly watch this partner before meeting her. These subjects were then able to work comfortably together when introduced to her. Other subjects were immediately introduced to the partner.

The results: “Those who did not view the partner before meeting her acted more distant when she was either in a leg brace or pregnant. For example, they chose to sit farther away from her than from the 'normal' partner . . . People tend to avoid people who are 'deviant.' In contrast, however, when subjects viewed the person ahead of time and sated their curiosity, they did not sit away from the pregnant or disabled person or show other signs of avoidance. This rather straightforward experiment suggest many ways in which encounters with people seen as different (for instance, in schools where handicapped children are 'mainstreamed') can be enhanced by providing an outlet for mindful curiosity.”

It's unfortunate that our culture has such a difficulty making the distinction between engaging in respectful eye contact, and staring. If your son is comfortable with it--from your description he sounds eager to engage with people--perhaps the two of you can take the lead in helping people become comfortable engaging with him.

"The universe is also within us. We are made of star stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself."--Carl Sagan

That made me start bawling. We didn't have any trick-or-treaters, but if you had come to our door ther ewould have been smiles all around - for everyone.

Thanks for sharing.

http://rosythoughts.com

I see this horrible repeat offense happening to your son as people choose to look the other way.

Maybe a sign next year, for you... "I'm my son (the one on the floor), stop pretending you don't see us. Thanks."

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

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