My Toaster Is Trying To Kill Me

Yesterday was my first meeting with a nutritionist, we'll call her Nazi Nell, after being diagnosed with Celiac disease. Nazi Nell is rather hateful toward gluten and she's trying to turn me against it as well!

I'd fight her, ya know...because I love my gluten so. Well, I don't love 'gluten' per se - I love when it parades around as cookies, muffins, cupcakes, bread, pasta, Thai food, etc, etc, etc.

I *may* have tuned out Nazi Nell when she started spouting off such nonsense as checking for gluten in my lipstick and medications and when she told me to buy my own toaster so as not to "cross contaminate" and to use the extra super hot melt your dishes setting on the dishwasher AFTER washing the dishes ahead of time...but I DID pay attention when she said there is a difference between being sensitive to gluten and actually having Celiac disease. According to Nazi Nell, gluten is toxic to me. I feel myself mutating as I type. If Batman were real, I'd probably be his next arch nemesis. I'd be Gluta the Horrible, 'cause I'll be e3xtra pissy about my lack of cupcakes and such. At least there isn't any gluten in chocolate. Which is a huge relief and good news for all of you, because it means I won't destroy the whole planet - I'll just make it miserable instead. Misery does love company, so bring me some gluten free treats when you visit and chocolate...preferably with nuts. It will ensure leniency from me. Just a suggestion...

However, the more I read the more it seems not to matter whether someone is gluten sensitive or outright Celiac. Just look at this article. It's especially interesting when she says, "Journal of Clinical Gastroenterology 2006 reported : “43.3% of Celiac Disease patients in our study presented with thyroid involvement.”

From the grave my thyroid is still being an asshole. No doubt it is pissed at me for having it removed and then sliced up for testing. Whatever...jerk.

So, now begins the journey to discover how vigilant I REALLY need to be in order to get better and whether I REALLY need to be that annoying customer in a restaurant who wants to know if the 'steamed' veggies were first par boiled in pasta water.  Being told that the minutest amount of ingested gluten will continue to wreak havoc on my intestines, causing the velvety villi to lay down in protest thus shunning all the nutrients my body needs is a bit distressing. It's really rather rude, because those villi didn't even try to negotiate with me prior to their strike. There really should be laws against this...I have rights,  ya know!! 

Thus concludes Melissa's Whine of the Day.

By the way, I'm accepting any and all product suggestions. I'd even be happy to accept product sponsors...I'll taste test gluten free products and review them...out of the goodness of my heart! But, mostly because I love free stuff.


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