Lesbian?

January 22, 2011...more

i love a woman

so, i have a lot to say, need to put a lot of thoughts on "paper" but i'm gonna start with what happened last night....more

groundlessness...

it is taking every fiber of my being not to reach out to her in some way. make sure she remembers me. make sure she thinks of me.i found a funny picture of a dog in a daisy costume. i wanted to send it to her. i didn't. i posted in on fb, hoping maybe she'll like it.i read a poem she wrote in september, gearing up for a march/rally for marriage equality, i think. the poem is so beautiful, so moving. amazing. i want to tell her i think so. i feel like i shouldn't. this is the weekend to sit on my hands. so i won't say anything......more

charge...

My charge this weekend: leave 10.0 ALONE. Today I feel like I went a little crazy, put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak, and I need to just calm the fuck down. Today, things were really awkward with her-I think we both pulled away from each other after being so open yesterday, and it hurt me too much to feel space btw us. She didn't come to the dance party at the end of the day-in point of fact, no one did-and the way I reacted, you'd think she'd just ripped my beating heart out, spat on it, and stomped it into pulp.I cried....more

bad day...

right now, i'm sitting at my desk, wanting to cry.i feel...stupid.embarrassed.young.immature.humiliated.shamed.dumb.fat.silly.foolish.like a schoolgirl.like a fake.like an idiot.hurt.abandoned.rejected.angry.sad.tired.alone....more

fml...

fuck. my. life.there. i said it.i've watched almost ALL of my fb friends at some point or another post about some absurdly annoying and shitty thing that happened to them, then follow it with fml. i never had an urge to join in. until today......more

ain't nobody else is gonna love you...

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.i had a second couples' therapy session in 3 days with 1.0 tonight. it was better than monday, no yelling this time, but...it's not feeling good....more

queer...

for the past few days i've been trying on for size thinking of myself as "queer."the way that i think about using that term is similar to this definition from wikipedia (boldface/italics added by me for emphasis):...more

hey denise, yeah, in some ways i think that trying to label what i'm feeling right now is ...more

confession...

(written Jan. 9. 2011)...more

distraction...

(written Jan. 9, 2011)...more