What It's Really Like To Lose A Child

Have you ever tried to imagine what it's like to lose a child? I can't even count how many times people have told me "I can't even imagine". Of course you can't....why would you want to? I'll admit it and say that I tried to imagine it A LOT after my son, Carter, was born. When you have a medically fragile child, you have to go there. You know that someday it probably will happen and you feel absolutely terrible thinking about it, but you feel like you have to prepare yourself. The ugly truth is that it is NOTHING like what you would imagine. It's a lot worse. ...more
Thank you for posting this. I sincerely admire your strength and I'm sure Carter must have been ...more

Quit Being So Dang Ugly!

Lately it seems as though I keep finding ugly people everywhere I go. They are everywhere!! At the grocery store, on the soccer fields, at the veterinarian, in the school parking lot. I can't escape the ugly people. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ok, so maybe they aren't so much ugly people, as they are beautiful people who are acting ugly. Today while I was picking my son up from school, there was a young man trying to get through the parking lot. He had accidentally started going the wrong way....more

The Butterflies Of Life...And Death

He smiled at me. My whole world felt complete when that tiny baby would give me that goofy grin. He had even started to giggle at times. Nothing in this world is better than listening to that little guy giggle. It told us that he was enjoying his life…and really, that’s all we ever really wanted. He had a lot of struggles, but the most important thing was that he enjoy his life. It was amazing to see him start to reach out for toys, and grab anything he could. He was fascinated with the way he could make those little hands work. He had started to actually play with his brother and sister....more

A Letter To My Son In Heaven

Dear Carter,I woke up today with that "not fair" cloud hanging over my head. I knew that this would be coming with your birthday so soon, so I was prepared for it. It doesn't make it any easier. Maybe it's because I decorated your grave for your 2nd birthday instead of decorating the house for your party. It just makes me feel like this really isn't fair.I just don't understand why you had to go so soon. And I know that I will never understand. It's hard to accept both of these things, but that's just the way it is....more

I would be feeling that dark cloud myself and my thoughts are with you as Carter's birthday ...more