My Dad is addicted to cheesy, B-rated horror flicks. His favorite movie of all time isKiller Klowns From Outer Space. He likes is horror movie goofy and clumsy and (if possible) well acted so that he can chortle at how sincerely good actors try to make lines like “My God! The tomatoes are alive!” not sound like crap yet fail because the dialogue is just soooooo bad. He likes his horror movies with plot holes you can drive a car through. The worse, the better....more

I have baked all the things

I love Hyperbole and a Half. Especially the one where she explains why she’ll never be a “real” adult. In short, it’s about the tendency to be super adult and productive (clean all the things), and then falling apart shortly thereafter because you got it together once already dammit....more

Kids are Home, Bird is Bought

Here in the Fokker abode we are gearing up for Thanksgiving. The kids have the week off from school, and while it is nice to sleep in a bit it is a tad bit harder to get any work done.For one thing, they sing loudly and keep forgetting that Daddy is in a Meeting. Nothing says “professional” like a small child shrieking, “Oh yeah? Then smell MY farts!” in the background when you are on a multinational conference call.  ...more

The Yellow Bra


Word From On High

As most of you know, I am the Pope of the Syncretic Church of Non-asshats (SCNa). As Pope of the SCNa, it is important for me to tell you I 100% agree with the Pope of the Catholic Church (although his hat isn’t as cool as mine) that all countries and people should welcome refugees and vociferously remind you all that God (in all his/her guises) is VERY, VERY pro-refugee....more

Mammon and Terrorism

Wherever there is evil, there too will you find Mammon.Mammon is hand in glove with Daesh (also known as ISIS or ISIL). As Charles P. Pierce points out, terrorism is expensive, and do you know who is paying for the passports, weapons, ammunition, and atrocities of the terrorists?...more

Testing Weirdness

Lilo is a smart kid. She reads voraciously, draws like a champ, and has a wonderful imagination. What she doesn’t do it test well, or even consistently. Part of her therapy for autism has also included the occasional IQ test, as she has tested as low as 126 and as high as 172 … more than a 50 point spread. She is, depending on the day, either a high average or a genius. However, according to those big school testing things she is lucky to get an “average” score. How? Why?...more

Not Necessarily All That Unwilling?

A few days ago a twelve year old girl (so, someone in 6th or 7th grade to help you picture it) in Texas was lured into a CVS bathroom by a stranger and raped. Do you know how Southside Place Detective Michael Kelly described the attack?Go on, guess. I bet you cannot stoop low enough in your fetid imagination of rape-shaming to guess correctly....more

Pedophile Darren Paden and the Dearborn Missouri Pedophile-Lovers Who Support Him

I am so pissed.Knowing that our culture has a pernicious and egregious habit of rape shaming victims of sexual assault, regardless of how young those victims are, does not keep me from losing my damn mind every time I read about it. You’d think I’d become jaded by now, but no; I still feel like my head is going to explode....more

Congestive Heart Failure Sucks

Words you NEVER want to hear your mom say to you over the phone: “Your dad just got his bloodwork back. He’s in congestive heart failure.”My brain fried. Seriously. I heard a sizzle like a moth hitting an electric fence and then nada but static in the ol’ noggin.“Can you repeat that?”“Your daddy’s in congestive heart failure.”...more