I'm Glad We Had This Time Together

Dearest Readers, The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Sadly, I don’t have time enough in the day to let Betty Fokker be the one to talk of cabbages and kings anymore. Betty Fokker will still be on Facebook, and you can still email me, but the blog has now gone to live with Jesus. ...more

This is NOT hard to understand, y'all.

Okay chuckleheads, listen up.There is a college professor, Dr. Larycia Hawkin,about to be fired from Wheaton College, an evangelical Christian university outside of Chicago, because she tweeted the truth: that the deity worshiped by Christians and Muslims is the SAME deity regardless of how you say it....more

Yokel Haram or VanillaISIS or Y'allQaeda?

Bearded armed terrorists have invaded a federal building in Oregon but fear not! These dudes are “patriots”, not terrorists....more

Fokker Family Vacation! Don't Drive Through Atlanta!

We went on a massive family vacation, with not only the Five Fokkers but also my parents in tow. We stuffed all seven of us in one van and drove from Kentucky to Florida. The drive went better than I expected, even though -- with God as my witness -- I will never drive through Atlanta, GA ever again. Let me tell you what I saw as I drove through the multi-lane autobahn that is highway 75 through Atlanta. ...more
That sounds like Austin Texas Drivers.  There's a saying in Austin "Keep Austin Weird". ...more

May I Neener-Neener Now?

I am leery of GMOs. For one thing, there are too many “unknown unknowns”. It is assumed that they are a monolith and axiomatically not dangerous because of what we already think we know about digestion, so there have been very, VERY few longitudinal studies done and most of the short term studies have been funded by the companies making GMOs....more

The Preteen Savagery

Lilo had a bad day yesterday. Her female friends decided en masse to be mad at her. As far as I can gather her “crime” was to tell them that something they said hurt her feelings. They told her this made her a “bully” because her hurt feelings hurt THEIR feelings and made them feel like they couldn’t say anything; then they wouldn’t interact with her for the rest of the day. ...more

Elfa the Beard

My elf on the shelf, Elfa, has been made delusional by the sugar she consumed yesterday. She has decided to see if Ken want’s to be more than “just friends” one more time. ...more

My Elf on the Shelf has Issues

Our elf on the shelf, who is named (oh, so originally!) Elfa, found the leftover Halloween candy last night. ...more


My Dad is addicted to cheesy, B-rated horror flicks. His favorite movie of all time isKiller Klowns From Outer Space. He likes is horror movie goofy and clumsy and (if possible) well acted so that he can chortle at how sincerely good actors try to make lines like “My God! The tomatoes are alive!” not sound like crap yet fail because the dialogue is just soooooo bad. He likes his horror movies with plot holes you can drive a car through. The worse, the better....more

I have baked all the things

I love Hyperbole and a Half. Especially the one where she explains why she’ll never be a “real” adult. In short, it’s about the tendency to be super adult and productive (clean all the things), and then falling apart shortly thereafter because you got it together once already dammit....more