No Reality For Me, Thanks

I have good news and bad news. The bad news is the world is full of shitty things happening and the good news is that I am not blogging about them. I’ve had a brainstorm, and am currently writing erotic/romance fiction. Speaking of, have you guys seen my (AKA Sylvia Ketrie’s) new cover for Tempted By Infamy? ...more

It Wasn't the Cupcakes

Lilo had a meltdown this week. She lost her little blue mind when there were cupcakes in the room that she couldn’t have. She pulled it back together fairly quickly, but she it was enough that her teacher emailed me, asking what she could keep in the room to give Lilo in case of gluten-treat-threat.Odd, I thought to myself, Lilo has never melted down over food before. I wonder what the real issue was?...more

Rest in Peace, E'dena Hines

Morgan Freeman’s granddaughter, E’dena Hines, was stabbed to death by a mentally ill man (who appears to have been either her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend) claiming he was performing an exorcism....more

Can you dig it?

My baby Spock has come home from kindergarten with a pernicious habit. She has learned to end many, MANY sentences with the word “man”, said with an inflection that would make any 70’s pimp or rock star proud.For example, “I really like sour cream on my tacos, man.”It is hella cute. Trust me on this. Remember when Drew Barrymore said “Gimme a break,” during her role as Gertie in ET? It is that cute to hear Spock say “man” at the end of a sentence. Yet, she was able to go cuter still....more

Bill O'Reilly -- Wife-Beating Hypocrite

Well, well, well.Bill O’Reilly wants a gag order on his divorce/custody battle because it makes him look bad when his kids tell the court-appointed therapist about Billy Boy beating the shit outta their mom. Yes, this is the same twatwaffle that claims only he tells the truth and liberals are always trying to ‘gag’ him because of it....more

I wet myself a little

Yesterday, Spock did not get off the school bus with her sisters, who became hysterical when they realized Spock was NOT with them. I wanted to panic and become hysterical too, but I am the mommy and thus was forced to act all grown up in shit. I hustled the elder daughters into the house and into the care of their daddy, while I grabbed my keys and cell phone and hauled ass toward the school....more

Behold the Arm Flab

Apparently women – well, older and/or heavier gals – are distressed about going sleeveless. The idea of our upper arm fat being displayed is kinda traumatic. I know it’s hard on me. My upper arms look like white pillar candles left too long in a hot car. There is a sort of general ‘flowiness’ to the fat covering my biceps. ...more

Our World on a Yellow Bus

Today is the first day of school here in my little town. That means that Lilo, Stitch, and Spock were out front at 8:00 AM waiting on the bus while Sweet Babou fretted quietly and I took ALL the pictures. Seriously, it sounded like Beyoncé had just walked out of a store into a herd of paparazzi.  The bizeet bizeet of my camera shutter was rivaling the noise of the early morning crickets....more

Ammo Forthcoming

I have a problem with spoonerisms. That problem is that I commit spoonerisms on a tragically regular basis. My adored Sweet Babou then laughs and guffaws and mocks. I pretend to be in high dungeon about it, with the Miss Piggy ‘harrumph!’ which makes him chortle harder. This amuses the children … usually.Yesterday, Spock was cozied up to me on the couch while her daddy teased me. At some point, she felt he had gone far enough. He must be punished for mocking mommy. ...more

A Mommy Minion Mashup

Yesterday, I was cuddling my five year old daughter, Spock. (Yes, big surprise there.) Spock was being extra-adorable, saying how much she loved me and how glad she was that I was her mommy, and other things that turned me into a puddle of goo. She also told me I was a ‘perfect’ mommy. There is no such animal. I told her that I wasn’t perfect, but that I wished that I was. I would love to be a perfect mommy.Spock thought for about a nanosecond and then piped up with, “I know what could make you perfect! If you did my bidding!”...more