You Look Good Holding that Baby…And Other Sh*t People Say When They Want You to Have a Baby

People really, really want you to have a baby. Your mother-in-law, your friends with kids, your bowling instructor. Let’s be honest, it’s basically open to anyone who finds out you don’t already have a baby....more

Pregnancy: A Treasure Trove of Terrifying Ailments

Let’s get disgusting, shall we? Last week, I developed a totally bizarre and (I thought) inexplicable* rash just above my ankles. Complaining about it to my boss (TMI for the workplace?) elicited one of her most common responses for nearly all our topics of conversation: “One more reason not to have kids!” She, who has a child of her own, went on to explain that pregnancy causes your body to flare up with all kinds of crazy ailments that can’t be readily explained or controlled....more

Busting America’s Baby Bust Argument

It’s hard to find a Childfree book or blog out there that doesn’t cite a desire not to contribute to overpopulation as a pretty solid reason not to have kids. So imagine my surprise when I opened a letter from my mom* and out tumbled a clipping of the Wall Street Journal’s “America’s Baby Bust” article, with the dramatic subtitle:The nation’s falling fertility rate is the root cause of many of our problems. And it’s only getting worse....more

Sucker at the Vet = Completely Broke at the Pediatrician Some Day?

A few weeks ago, our cat Jacques developed what we’ve affectionately been calling his pimp limp. Assuming he’d just had a too-hard landing from one of his many leaps off the kitchen island, we waited a while before thoughts of early onset arthritis and joint fluid infections guilted me into a trip to the vet this past Saturday. After a ninety-six point inspection on his front quarters, no obvious injuries or abnormalities were found and it was all chalked up to the possibility of a pulled muscle. No doubt earned in his many athletic endeavors, including…Lounging on pizza boxes:...more

Childfree Celebrity Spotlight: The Wonder Years & The Wonder of a Childfree Jack & Norma

Ahh, The Wonder Years. Who among us didn’t laugh our asses off when Wayne lurched his car down the street while “Butthead” tried to hop in? Or cry our eyes out in the final episode when (spoiler alert) Kevin and Winnie didn’t get married?...more

The Hazards of Remaining Childfree in the Age of Possibility

One summer between my junior and senior year of college, I spent about six weeks doing absolutely nothing on Purdue University’s campus. Classes had ended and I wasn’t yet slated to start my temp job through the agency I always used. Imagine it! All day long to read books, shop in the glamorous Tippecanoe Mall (a JC Penny AND a Sears), snag free hot dogs at Jake’s, sew up next season’s Breakfast Club costumes…...more

The Seasonless Comforts of the Childfree Life

It’s mid-February, folks, and this was the starting point for yesterday’s jog:...more

What Your Eating (And Other) Habits Say About Whether You Should Have Kids

Every month or so, I receive an actual paper card in the mail from my mom with mysterious contents. It could be coupons for Fancy Feast or the Banana Republic outlet. Or a Whole Foods gift card as a hint to stock our bachelor fridge with more than just Bud Light and dijon mustard. But more often than not, it’s an article on writing or the baby issue pulled from an actual paper magazine or newspaper she still reads. Her most recent find was an article from the Wall Street Journal called “Getting Junior to Move” and she’d circled this excerpt:...more

Kids (& Dirty Martinis) as an Acquired Taste

I still remember my first dirty martini. At the ripe young age of 24, on a business trip with my boss, in the weirdest restaurant in the world (Thirteen Coins), or at least Seattle. Celebrating some good news and thinking that being on a business trip must mean I’m terribly grown up, I ordered the most grown-up-sounding drink I could think of – the dirty martini – without understanding what was in it or how to order it....more

A Year of Childfree Holidays: A Poem

A raging headache to start the year,From one too many an NYE beer,The carpet a mess with confetti galoreJust pick up the phone, that’s what the maid’s for! Then love is in the air on Valentine’s Day,It’s dinner for two with no babysitter to pay,Boxes of truffles and flutes of champagne,No “Junior is sleeping, we better abstain”, A shamrock tattoo upon my face,Evidence of last night’s St. Patty’s disgrace,The green beer that’d seemed like so much fun,...more