I'm Missing Blogher. CRAP.

I am a tweeter. I’m also a bit lactose intolerant, but that’s for another day. I know, I know and now you’re all, “What?! She’s just teasing us with this mention of her lactose intolerance? Elaborate woman!” Talk about stringing you along! Next thing you know, I’ll casually mention I’m pregnant. Oh my God Ben just read that and did a mini-throw up in his mouth. I am not pregnant. Anyhow, I’m on the Twitter last night and after a few drinks just before going to bed I tweeted:...more

A Mother's Body

Ben and I went out for dinner Saturday night. And, in an effort to notch things up a bit, I let out my pony tail and changed out of my sport bra.While I was in the shower I thought about what I’d wear, and decided on a pair of jeans that I’d purchased years ago, two pregnancies ago, in Chicago. And people, these are the kind of jeans that require you to bring your A-Game whenever you try them on. The kind that CANNOT go into the dryer, since there isn’t a percentage of spandex in these jeans....more

Parenthood punched my marriage in the throat

A couple of weeks ago, Ben and I pulled out the drop clothes and brushes, and painted the girls’ bedrooms. We are awesome painters. It’s not my opinion, it’s just a fact. Here’s another fact: Ben and I have remodeled four houses during our marriage. In spite of all those years scraping plaster and laying tile, we are still happily married with all twenty fingers. So, painting a couple of rooms isn’t the kind of thing I would usually make a big deal over and tell the Internet, or even the guy in the paint department at Home Depot....more

Yes, we live in filth. What's your point?

Moving back to Wisconsin was supposed to have been temporary. We'd planned on finding some place else wonderful to live, but, well you know, the weather here…you just can't beat snow in April! Anyway, for now we're here and let's just put it this way, I'm not hoarding any boxes for an upcoming move.So, because this living arrangement [the one with us living with my dad] was supposed to have been a pit stop, I really haven't given a flip about decorating, or installing any kind of closet organizers....more

The 'burbs aren't all that bad [yes they are]

I will tell you that one of the disadvantages of living out here in the suburbs is the lack of restaurants. That, and everything is white. And yes, I know we have an Applebee's. And yes, I guess you can count that as a "restaurant," if you're not a wine drinker. Which I am. I'm not a snooty connoisseur, but I do enjoy a nice glass of red wine that hasn’t been poured from a box. ...more

I'm sorry to be the bearer of such news. Hopefully, you're experience will be ...more

Dear Universe: I live with my dad and his paper towel dispenser. Obviously, there's a cosmic joke on me.

We are living with my dad these days. Just the six of us in this little house. Did you know they once did a study where two groups of rats were put into two different sized cages? The first group was undernourished but given lots of space to spread out and do their rat activities. They were skinny, but had good interpersonal rat relations with each other. Some of them even hooked-up....more

And it's usually something that doesn't get done often, like baseboards. Or windows. I attacked ...more

I'd rather be Photoshopped than Botoxed

A couple of summers ago, my twenty-year on-again-off-again relationship with acne was rekindled. I guess the flare-up had something to do with abruptly weaning Heidi, and my body's subsequent hormonal fluctuations. [I had to wean her cold turkey in order to begin a round of powerful anti-depressants to help control my worsening post-partum depression.] ...more

Because reading my drivel should entitle you to something [keep reading if you wear clothes and want a 30% off coupon]

Have I ever mentioned that I know very important people in high places? I don’t mean the White House or Krispy Kreme Doughnuts kind high places, I mean REALLY high places like Gap Corporate. I know right?…Now you know why I’m so damn popular AND cuddly. One of my really important friends, Jaime, works at Gap Inc. in their communications department, doing really important things, people!...more

Have you heard about Layla Grace?

Here’s what I did this morning: I followed the slow, painful death of a two year old little girl through my Twitter feed. Sounds like a horrific way to the pass time? Well, it was. I’d only planned to stop by Twitter for a couple of minutes this morning, get my fix, tweet a snarky comment or two, and then get a little photo editing done. My mornings have a sequential order to them: cup of coffee, change a diaper, and then check Twitter. Pluck anyone of those things out of my morning routine and risk the earth rotating off it’s axis....more

It was the only good, but do I hope the support provides the family with some comfort.


Armed with Make-up...and Bath Bombs, on the Eve of Womanhood

Lexi turned twelve last week, and to mark the occasion we made a mother/daughter trip to the mall where I bought her make-up and a push-up bra. No, I didn’t really buy her a push-up bra. That would have been ridiculous since everyone knows you don’t buy your daughter a push-up bra until their thirteenth birthday!...more