No Rainbows. No Butterflies. Reality of a Failed Adoption.

We were very busy in the month of May and June preparing for a little bundle of joy. A baby girl that we spent six months waiting for. A successful quick placement with a birthmother who picked us to be parents of her unborn child. A girl. I wanted a girl so badly, our whole family has boys. This was meant to be....more
Your disappoint and grief are appropriate and fair. Your lethal vitriol towards others--whoever ... more

No Rainbows. No Butterflies. Reality of a Failed Adoption.

We were very busy in the month of May and June preparing for a little bundle of joy. A baby girl that we spent six months waiting for. A successful quick placement with a birthmother who picked us to be parents of her unborn child. A girl. I wanted a girl so badly, our whole family has boys. This was meant to be....more
We agreed to and paid expenses for a mother for six months and ultimately decided it was not the ... more

The World's Reaction When Queer White Moms Raise Adopted Black Kids

“Intersectionality” may be a new term, but it isn’t a new idea. It is the very thing Sojourner Truth was getting at in her “Aren’t I a Woman” speech in 1851. Black women in the United States have always known that “woman” was a complicated idea—their own “womanhood” often sacrificed to the “ideal” of white womanhood. ...more
rosemondpc If anything, their own identity questions just grow, don't they? more

Does My Child Have to Be Better Because She's Black?

I've had teachers say it to me. Lots of my mentors said it. Once, a supervisor at work mentioned it. I've overheard folks telling their own children, educators telling other people's kids, and I'm sure that I've even said it a time or two in my years of teaching. ...more
We haven't said this to our children in so many words, but we think about it all the time. But ... more

How Come I'm the Only One Who Kept My Maiden Name?

My name is Christie O’Brien Tate. It's the name I’ve had all my life.  It will always be my name, even though I'm married with two children, and I'm the only one in my household with the last name Tate.  For as long as I can remember, I planned to keep my maiden name.  Long before I read the work of Betty Friedan or Catharine MacKinnon, I knew I wanted my name to stay with me. Sometimes when people ask me why I kept my maiden name, I joke that I'm horrible with paperwork, so there's no way I was going to schlep down to the DMV to update my driver’s license. ...more
I have to ask why it is such a forgone conclusion that the children will have the father's name. ... more

My Husband Hates My Blog

I know a lot of bloggers who describe their husbands as their "biggest fans." I have always been so jealous of these women. My husband was a fantastic cheerleader when my blog began humbly nearly 14 months ago. And then it began to evolve, taking on a life of its own that I could have never predicted.  My blog slowly became the "other man" in my life, and my husband did not appreciate it. ...more
I'm sorry, but I find the husband's behavior in this piece troubling. I am supposing he has a ... more

An Adoptive Mom Speaks: Who Is Looking Out for Baby Veronica's Best Interest?

As an adoptive parent and an adoption professional who works in the foster care system, I have been very interested in the case of "baby" Veronica since it's inception almost four years ago. I have followed the ins and outs, ups and downs. I've read articles, court briefs, and blog posts. I don't watch TV news and in a way I think that may be a good thing here. I have no preconceived notions about either party based on their demeanor or media slant based on what network aired the interview(s). ...more
@adoptive mom You are so right. And this is not going to end well unless it ends immediately, ... more

"Baby" Veronica Is Growing Up: ICWA, 2 Families, & Now an Arrest

After the Supreme Court decided against a biological father in the so-called “Baby Veronica” case two months ago, I found myself worried not just for the family in the case, but for adoption in general. Adoption is riddled with misunderstanding and the mainstream media tends to exacerbate the problem rather than clarifying. ...more
@Ravenspeaker Thank you for being in the comments to explain this further, from an Indian ... more

"Baby" Veronica Is Growing Up: ICWA, 2 Families, & Now an Arrest

After the Supreme Court decided against a biological father in the so-called “Baby Veronica” case two months ago, I found myself worried not just for the family in the case, but for adoption in general. Adoption is riddled with misunderstanding and the mainstream media tends to exacerbate the problem rather than clarifying. ...more
@Ravenspeaker  @StephenKonig  @karengh You make an excellent point. If this were a foster ... more

"Baby" Veronica Is Growing Up: ICWA, 2 Families, & Now an Arrest

After the Supreme Court decided against a biological father in the so-called “Baby Veronica” case two months ago, I found myself worried not just for the family in the case, but for adoption in general. Adoption is riddled with misunderstanding and the mainstream media tends to exacerbate the problem rather than clarifying. ...more
@Lorraine Dusky It really is ugly to see them stretch to paint him as having "abandoned" his ... more