Bundle of Joy

Today I got to snuggle the absolutely perfect, precious, one day old baby girl of my friend of 32 years. (Longtime readers know the friend as Catfish, the nickname my dad gave her when we were little.)...more

Allowance

"I'm going to pay you to feed the pets," I told little kid. It's his job normally, without pay, but I thought financial incentive would get more consistent results with less complaining. "How much?" "Let's do a package deal, like, throw another chore in there, all for one price."...more

Freedom

There's no school today. After a three week winter break, two sick days of doubtful veracity, and early dismissal (which is the biggest waste of time ever) my kids are off again today.I know it's a holiday and I totally celebrate that fact, but I want to point out that in essence, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream was all about these kids going to school ....more

Sick Day

little kid is home sick from school today--a situation that greatly irritated me earlier because I have tons of work to do and he doesn't seem that sick. But right now he's out on the porch in his pajamas, quietly chatting to himself while methodically and strategically setting up yet another battle among his little army men and their scene setting accessories. These toys are the bane of my existence--he must have over a 1000 with all of his sets; green and khaki ones, civil war, revolutionary war, Native Americans, knights, Roman warriors, mythological creatures ....more

Breakdown

My car wouldn't start today. My steering wheel was locked into an odd position and I couldn't turn it or my key in the ignition. I googled it for a recommendation that did not work ....more

Lost Teeth

Have I mentioned lately how much our tooth fairy sucks?Big Kid lost his last baby tooth, an occasion that should have been marked with some sort of tooth fairy fanfare, one would think.After his Santa silence this year, I wasn't sure that I should suggest putting his tooth under the pillow but when I did, he said that of course he would, with no trace of humoring me. He's not a very good actor, so this is confusing.Unless he's such a good actor that he's acting like a bad actor sometimes to throw me off? It's confusing, people, I feel ill prepared for this tween/teen business ....more

Hairball

"Mom, could you love a hairball?" little kid asked."Like, a physical ball of hair?""Yes.""No.""Really?!?""Yes, really.""What if it was your hairball? If it came from you?""No.""Then how can I know that you love me?""Seriously? You're just going to have to take my word for it." ...more

Year in Review

My Facebook year in review was like a dark comedy. I knew I wouldn't share it -- I didn't even want to see it, but Facebook was bound and determined to force me to acknowledge their creation. However, once I saw how amusingly morbid it was, I kind of wanted to share it but feared my friends wouldn't see the humor since they love me ....more

Christmas by Netflix

Every Christmas I start the season full of plans of things I want to make sure we do. Christmas tree lightings, city parades, light displays, Santa meet and greets, and this ridiculous thing to make up for the lack of cold weather in Florida where they shoot soap from streetlights downtown and pretend it's snow.Then I find that I am too busy, too tired, or remember that we all hate stuff like this. Then I feel guilty for being too busy, too tired, or hating that stuff.(But seriously, our parade sucks and the only fun part of the soap snow is watching kids try to catch it on their tongues.)So this year we've kept it festive in our favorite way, which involves snuggling on the couch dressed like slobs ....more

Makeover

A few weeks ago I got an email from someone who disagreed with me and instead of being all, "YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW ANYWAY?!?" I was all, "You know what? You are absolutely correct. Thanks for reaching out and bringing this to my awareness, I'm going to take your advice," like a real, live grown-up who didn't even make up any derogatory names for the other person.He wrote to tell me he didn't like that the header said "I know why hamsters eat their young" and didn't think it fit anymore now that the kids are older, and he was 100% right.When my kids were babies and toddlers, I secretly, and sometimes not so secretly, wondered why the hell people thought motherhood was so great ....more