One-Step Sushi Rice, or, The Thanksgiving Sock Fascist

  Every few months, The Boy and I pull out all the stops, visit a good Japanese fish-house, and make our own sushi.   What, is this not an authentic enough holiday season post for you fuckers?   I apologize.  How was your holiday, misfits?   For me, Thanksgiving consists of, always, far too much [...] ...more

Homestyle Baked Birthday Chicken, or, Meat Needs to Take Responsibility for Its Own Pleasure

  blah blah blah chicken and stuff.   I call this “Birthday Chicken,” not because I’ve actually made it for anyone’s birthday, but rather because The Boy told me he wanted me to make it for his birthday.  It should be noted that he just had a birthady.  Just over a month ago.  It should [...] ...more

A Guest Post by The Boy But It’s Not Really The Boy It’s Me, Drunk, Impersonating Him. Poorly.

Hi, everyone, it’s me, The Boy!  I just want to take this opportunity to say,   “Skittles.”   Because I think Gen would really enjoy hearing her manly man say something so effeminate.  I would also like to go on record as saying that her cats are sooooOOOOOOOooooo CUTE OMG OMG!   HAVE YOU SEEN [...] ...more

What Do You Get When You Cross an English Bulldog and Border Collie? or, Totally Spying on Puppies for Fun and Profit

For those of you who may have been thinking, “God, Gen is really into baby cats.  Is that all she ever talks about?”   The answer is no way, fuckers.  Sometimes, I talk about baby dogs.   My friend Max had the best intentions of fixing his dogs, a devoted, super-intelligent lady Border Collie named [...] ...more

I Bought WHAT KIND of Butter, or, This Post is My Very Special Gift to All of You

  So whilst shopping in a local, independent ethnic market with a very good selection of Amish and naturally-raised food, I said to myself,   “Self, it’s time to buy some butter.”   Then I went to the dairy aisle, perused the options, and said,   “Self, this butter looks nice and homey and creamy and delicious.”   And I put it in my cart.     Then I said, “Self, why not check out the writing on this ...more

Potato Harvest 2012, or, Stop Stepping on My Vegetables

  Unlike last year’s potato harvest, this time there were no pirate hats, accidental Mexicans, or dead bodies.   There was, however, a steep drop in productivity.  I don’t think I need to tell you whose fault that was.     Fugly-looking plants after I’ve taken away their support system.  GIVE US BACK OUR SUPPORT [...] ...more

Plant Sex 2012, or, I Can’t Deny You Fetus Pictures to Ogle I Will Never Let You Down Like That

  As we have well-established, my plants are slutty as all hell.  And we embrace that around here.  In fact, we benefit from it.  You might even say we’re plant pimps.   There are many, many different directions I can go with this.  But I’ll refrain, as I’m 99.99% certain you can anticipate, oh, all [...] ...more

Big News, or, I Will Personally Whore Myself Out to the First Person Who Can Get My Wifi Installed So Help Me God

I’ve been conspicuously absent around here.   ABSENT, I TELL YOU!   And that is because The Boy and i have been busy working on something.  And that something is…   well, okay, yeah, this…   and I guess I’ve been tending a honeydew, too…   Okay, a few honeydews…   Watching some tiny moons [...] ...more

Take a Deep Breath And Allow Me To Horrify You With Tales of A Picnic in the Park

So this Saturday we went to this beer picnic at a forest preserve and I made these brown sugar cookie peanut chocolate meringue bars and The Boy made salsa and we were entering them into competitions not ’cause we really cared but just ’cause you had to enter to get free admission and we were [...] ...more

The Kitten in Winter, or, If You Didn’t Catch That Reference I Am Questioning Your Devotion to Katharine Hepburn

So at cafes, in between periods of Internet-free hell  and now, joy of joys(!) cell-phone free hell that is hilarious to everybody but me,  it has come to my attention that some of the misfits would like additional details regarding the kitten situation after The Boy and I finish moving but continue to use the garden and raise [...] ...more