A-Monkey-Can Make-It Mint Chocolate Trifle

For those of us who are baking challenged, this is not an easy time of year. But, I have a secret weapon even more powerful than any rifle…the trifle. This Mint Chocolate Trifle is festive to behold, delicious to digest, and so easy a monkey could make it. ...more

Confessions of An Ungrateful Daughter

Mother's Day is one of my least favorite days of the year on two levels. First, despite having ample opportunity, I have chosen not to be a mother, so there's not a damn thing in it for me. Secondly, I am estranged from my own mother, and have opted to see her only three times in the last 25 years. The essay below explains both decisions above. ...more

When Good Lyrics Go Bad

Last week, my husband did a HVAC job for Jimmy Buffett's personal chef. Of course, in Frank fashion, he attempted to break the ice with a joke.  Frank: So, I said to him, “I bet you cook a lot of Pop-tarts.” (He recounts this with pride and a pump of his eyebrows.) Get it? Pop-tarts? Me: No, I don't get it. Why didn't you say “I bet you cook a lot of cheeseburgers with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57, and french fried potatoes.” You know, from Cheeseburger in Paradise?...more

A Straight Girl's Thoughts on Gay Rights

It was October 28, 2009, and the heavens had unleashed the coldest rains I'd ever felt—a miserable drizzle that slowly worked its way through the clothes and skin and deep into the bones. Despite my trendy, patent leather boots, my feet had become soaked. Through the dampened scarf that was wrapped around my ears, I could hear the chants rise above the traffic, "Stop the hate, vote no on Prop 8." I looked around at the soggy signs stating, "Separate is not Equal" and "Love is Love." ...more

To Meat or Not to Meat...That is the Question.

I often wonder if I could ask God anything and get a definitive answer on the spot, what exactly would I ask. It changes from week to week, day to day, minute to minute, but there are always three questions that reassert themselves again and again. One of these  is, “Is it wrong to eat meat?” I have ping ponged back and forth between being a vegetarian and a carnivore for the last twenty years, with my longest meatless stint being a solid three....more

If You Don't Have Something Nice to Say

Of late, I have oft had to ask myself  "Is this funny?" or "Is this offensive?" Usually, the answer is a resounding BOTH. Being raised in the South, I have heard the phrase, "If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all" my whole life....more

When the Wife's Asleep...

Many nights after I have slipped into slumber, Frank will have his very own one-man Bacchanalian Bash. I somehow sleep through his private parties, often held in the same room where I sleep, and then have to go all Sherlock Holmes the next morning to try and deduce exactly what went down. This AM, I awoke to find the bedside table laden with the following:...more

Make Them Stop Singing!

If you thought it was soul-wrenching to watch Anne Hathaway IN Les Mis, you should have seen my husband after two hours AT Les Mis. It was enough to break your heart. On Christmas Day, instead of my beloved turkey, pecan pie, and evening cocktails at The Bar with our favorite gays, we had steak, cheesecake, and went to see Les Miserables with his mother. Both she and I were very excited about the film. Poor Frank…not so much....more
Hahahaha. I am still on the fence as to whether we're going to go see this in the theatre. We ...more

Hip to be Humbug

When did despising Christmas become cool?  This year, everyone seems to believe that it’s hip to be humbug, and even hipper to make certain everyone else is too. Don't dare get your jolly on  OR...You'll  be scolded for being politically incorrect and culturally unenlightened for celebrating Christmas without also giving equal credence to Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, the Solstice, Boxing Day, and National Bouillabaisse Day which is for the record Dec. 14....more

The Angel Disguised as a Veterinarian.

Rewind to 14 years ago. I am at a raging house party…well, of course I am. Where else would I be? I bend down to wipe up a drink that I’ve spilled and looking through the sliding glass door is the cutest face with the longest whiskers that I’ve ever seen. The face is attached to a fat little body wearing what looks to be a fur tuxedo....more