depression that lazifies

I would now describe my bi polar as a grave.  I use to have mania, but now I am experiencing depression.  It's the kind of depression that unmotivates everything.  It's the kind of depression that makes everything hollow and un fun.  I almost want to stop taking my medication.  ...more

bi polar and bleeding

I am in my mid 30's, and I can't tell you more than anything in the world, I wish I wasn't this.  Bi polar and bleeding out the head.  My thoughts are false, and I am screwing up my life.  I live in a garage in my parents house, I am on gov disability.  I lost the hope for writing.  I am beginning to become sober.  I am sad.  My older brothers 10 year marriage is on the rocks.  Everything just sucks.  I just made myself copy enthusiastic remarks to see if it would better my mood.  I am looking for somewhere to fit in....more

Phases Keep Coming back

I have reached the 2 year mark with my boyfriend.  In the beginning we had good sex.  Maybe it was because I dressed up in corsets and stockings.  Friday night we would sometimes just dress up to have sex.  I would drive out to come see him, that was before I started taking the train.  He would like me to wear my 'altered stockings,' the ones with the hole in the crotch.  Then we started having relationship problems, we would start breaking up every once in a while because of my bi polar, or well my behavior and life problems were just too much for him....more

bi polar mania

This is morning number two.  Two day's two nights up, suffering with dillusional ego tripping mania.  Firs of all The pharmacy gave me a generic brand of one of my medications, and i took it.  well I slowly went mad.  I went even more manic when i switched back to the regular pills I take.  Crying in fear I my go to the dark side....more

bio

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School for the first time since '97

I am about to start school in one week.  I have not been to school since 1997.  I am about to be 34.  I live in the garage of my parent's house.  They are not proud of me for starting school.  I am bi polar, I have been going through therapy sitting on my ass for over two years now.  I believe it is time to get on my ass.  I am scared I will fail.. All I've gotten through my life, is "ya right"  and "let's see you do that."  Never have I got a "good job."  Let's see....more

Body-less Body

The body lies still before the panic.  The face get’s numb, the hand’s, the full metal jacket.  The attack is breathless.  Feeing like heart failure.  Leaving the body lost.  Bi Polar is like an animal clawing it’s self out it’s cage.  In summary, thing’s are more worse than you may realize.  Unable to breathe.  My lung’s are full of your guilt.  I’ve reached my limit.  I’m going to choke.  Detect my tears before they fall, for falling means failing, and failing is worse than dyeing....more

Bi polar meditation

Sitting in the sun.  You know I really love the sun, I really do.  When I was younger like a teenager, I was like one of those goth chicks that would have like, an umbrella in the sun and l hated it.  I think I just hated the heat more.  But lately the summers haven't been getting so hot.  I really don't like the cold weather.  I'm just waiting for the Sun to come out when it's grey.  You see my bipolar it calls for the sun.  My brain my body my soul it needs the vitamin D.  A lot of people with depression are just like me....more
@BiPolarAddict  @SunbonnetSmart.com  Find any sunshine?more

Asexual and about to be in a polyamorous relationship

I always knew things were weird.  Like I mean that I was different.  An alienation feeling.  And it's not because I am a lesbian or that I'm gay because in fact I am not even bisexual I am straight.  I don't want to be a boy or anything, I feel fine in my own body too.  I found out basically what the feeling was and meant just last year in 2012.  Alienation.  I was asexual.  And I kind of don't understand affection.If that's what it means to be asexual....more
My husband and I (of almost 20yrs) have been living in an open marriage for about two years. It ...more

Yeah her Relationship is ending!

Ever since I met my friend she is nonstop ragged about her boyfriend.  But I mean he totally treated her like shit.  So I was always like "get the fuck out of your relationship !"  And so every once in a while she did but it only lasted for Day.  A day they would break up just a day.  Now this girl she's really really smart and intelligent, never in my life would I expect her to be treated so horribly....more