TV is Fundamental

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.—Groucho MarxSeeing a murder on television… can help work off one’s antagonisms. And if you haven’t any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.—Alfred HitchcockIf television’s a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won’t shut up....more

HELP: I've Turned Into a Morning Person!!!!

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. ~Jean Kerr, Please Don’t Eat the DaisiesWhen other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers I kind of wanted to be a vampire.~Angelina JolieRecently, I had a realization: through no fault of my own (aside from taking all of the steps necessary to do so), I have become a morning person....more

Own a Used Car, Become a Better Person: Buy a Sh*tbox and Change Your Life!

Driving a brand new car feels like driving around in an open billfold with the dollars flapping by your ears as they fly out the window. ~Grey LivingstonWhen buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are rock and roll, there’s a good chance the transmission is shot. ~Larry Lujack...more

F*CK Running...I Think...Maybe

Me and running are like…yea, not so much. I’ve wanted to be a Runner for about as long as I can remember but it doesn’t seem to be my thing—perhaps I should just accept that? I mean, in elementary school, I was that kid: always, without fail, DEAD LAST on the mile runi—by several (or more) minutes. I would start out running with all the other kids but always, always stopped first....more
"I’ve wanted to be a Runner for about as long as I can remember but it doesn’t seem to be my ...more

How NOT to Blow a Job Interview

I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?’ and I said ‘Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question.—Mitch Hedberg ...more

This Is What Growth Looks Like

You can’t make radical changes in the pattern of your life until you begin to see yourself exactly as you are now. As soon as you do that, changes flow naturally. You don’t have to force or struggle or obey rules dictated to you by some authority. You just change. It is automatic....more

POOP or a Modern-day Fairy Tale

Poop. ...more

5 Lessons I Could've Learned While Waitressing (and 2 I Did)

Every eleven seconds in the United States of America, someone joins the ranks of the service industry, specifically restaurant wait staffs.The preceding statistic is 100% false (I assume), but only insofar as facts go: it is 100% true in my hort. For you see, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, more than 2 millionchumps people support themselves in this way....more

I LOVE Living Alone...Most of the Time

Late one night/very early one morning in July 2012, a derecho wreaked havoc on a vast swath of the US of A. Not feeling well early in the evening before, I skipped my plans and fell asleep reading. I woke up naturally at approximately 1:15a—the light was on and the book was still in my hands. After a quick trip to the bathroom, I climbed back in bed and felt myself drifting to sleep....more