I Am Lost/ I Am Home

I thought it was a sprain to his back leaving him unable to be stand at the mic and be the master of ceremonies at our parent's 50th Wedding Anniversary in February. My brother Topher, always the natural choice for all things art, culture and entertainment in our family, instead took his perennial place behind the piano and I carried on in his place."What is going on with your back?" I whispered to him as Jesse and Lucy hosted the anniversary trivia and giveaway game from stage."I don't know. But it hurts."Though he's had a history of back problems, I had never seen him so uncomfortable."I should probably ditch the e.e. cummings poem I was going to read," I said nervously ....more

Spa Ha Moment: In the Bleak Midlife Conjuncture

I am thirty-nine years old today....more

Special Collection

Last week Christopher and I were invited to the BYU library Special Collections department for a tour with our friend Trevor Alvord and his fellow archivist Dainan Skeem (and three dutiful BYU student security guards). We took inventory of Jimmy Stewart's personal film collection. We combed through the original hand-written score of Gone With the Wind ....more

Spa Ha Moment: Moderation or Things I Don't Get

My friend and trainer Sara Madsen just left my house. She has been training me for three weeks and I can say unequivocally (I definitely didn't not spell that word without help from spellcheck) I feel stronger. I feel buffer ....more

Checking In

It's January. 3/4 of my kids are sick. I walked Ever to school in nothing but Ck's sweatshirt (it goes to my knees) and a pair of sneakers ....more

Discoveries & Recoveries

Goddess necklace made by local artist Katie Payne at Writ & Vision.In 2016 I decided to face the spiritual feminist undertaking of reading The Chalice and the Blade (by Riane Eisler). It's a book built on the premise that historically, warfare and domination depended on one sex being subjected to the other, while peaceful societies were/are built on gender equality in life and in divinity. Sounds like a thriller right?Well it is for me ....more

Couldn't Escape If I Wanted To

It's the first day of 2016 and I was shuttled out of my house by incessant husband to "go and write." I left the tree partially undecorated, Ever in breakfast distress, the baby covered in the pink and blue powder from the girls butterfly make-up kits they gave one another for Christmas.I have resolutions on the brain, even though I don't fully encourage them.It has been a good holiday break. We ventured out a lot with the children, we had some really quality date nights, celebrated with dear friends and spent a few days in Idaho and slept in while grandma played with and fed our kids. There were a couple nights tinged by anxiety for me about spending too much, eating too much, drifting away from the schedule that keeps us sane and healthy ....more

Spa Ha Moment: The Dream of 2015 Part II

At Equality Utah's A Queer New world allies dinner-thanks Troy Williams for the invite!I wanted to capture a few things about this year that were personally important to me. And I'd like to say thank you for those who made them possible.Warning! It's very long and littered with selfies ....more

Spa Ha Moment: The Dream of 2015 Part I

Here's what we did as a family this year:January: on our way to Wendover, Nevada we stopped at the salt flats along highway I-80. Anson especially was charmed by this salty wasteland.February: Erin found fashion. March: Iris turned one! ...more

C. Jane's Guide to Holiday Shopping!

Yarn! Vintage Glass! Drinking Vinegar! ...more