How to Choose an Adoption Agency (Hint: It’s Not Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe)

Picking an adoption agency is hard, confusing and often anxiety provoking.  It doesn’t help when so-called experts—like me—tell you that it is the second most important decision you’ll make when adopting.  Talk about pressure!  I often get asked if there is a “best agency”.  The answer, of course, is “yes”, but not one best agency for everyone.  I think the enormity of the decision often blinds us to that fact.  So how should you go about picking this all important arbiter of family making?...more

Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti?

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Having Your Cake and Eating it Too? Continuing in Infertility Treatment While Applying to Adopt

Sitting as I do with one foot in the infertility world and one foot in the adoption world, a question I hear a lot from people is whether they have to stop infertility treatment before they can apply to adopt.  I suspect adoption agencies and social workers don’t hear this question as much since most people aren’t comfortable asking them this question.  Quite frankly, it is a bit of a sensitive hot topic in adoption circles. Over the years (Gulp, that sure makes me sound old!), I have talked with many adoption experts and therapists about this question, and there is d...more

The Road to Hell, Haiti, and the Baptists

When the American group was arrested for trying to bring Haitian children over the border into the Dominican Republic last week I literally screamed at my television.  Among my shouts were “Are you nuts” and “Think before you act”.  Their actions played right into the “international adoption equal child trafficking” argument that I railed against in last week’s blog.  Everything about this case is confusing, and the more ...more

A Bit of Adoption and Infertility Humor

‘Tis the season of light, so let’s lighten things up with a touch of the funny.  A couple of years ago, I was out running errands with my three youngest kids.  The errands took longer than anticipated (don’t they always), so we stopped at a fast food place to grab something to eat.  The lady taking our order stared and then did a double take, staring first at me and then at each child.  It is worthy of mentioning at this point that two of the three kids look absolutely nothing like me and none of them share any resemblance to each other.  The woman gave me a s...more

Donor Eggs = Half Adoption?

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Infertility is...

How Old is Too Old to Become a Mom

“Old” is a relative term, constantly changing depending on the company you keep and the times you live. When I had my first child, I followed my inherently nosey nature and read the doctor’s chart that was left in the room while I waited. There for all the world to see at the top of my chart were the words “Elderly Gravida”. Elderly??? Moi??? Me of perfect cholesterol, low heart rate, and kick-butt quads??? Who did they think they were kidding? I told anyone who asked, and a few who didn’t, to get with the program: thirty was the new twenty. ...more

I Love My FAmily, But...

I love my family. Really, I do. Most days I love being a wife and a mom, complete with all the chauffeuring, spectating, cajoling, and listening that goes along with the job description. But every once in awhile, I crave the single life. The joy of only having to worry about what I want to do, what I want to eat, where I want to go. So once a year, I escape. ...more

So You’re Infertile, Why Not Just Adopt

I read an essay by Lisa Belkin in the NYT last week that got me thinking.  The impetus for the essay, titled Too Many Ways to Have a Baby?, was the announcement by Sarah Jessica Parker and Mathew Broderick that they were expecting twins via surrogacy this summer.  The essay itself was the fairly standard “Gosh darn, they can do just about anything with technology and where ...more