You can't change him, really, he is showing you exactly who he is.

I think we have all made mistakes when it comes to relationships.  Not all of our relationships, but some.  It comes so naturally to us as women to hang onto and desire this romantic idea of what WE feel this great love, or potential great love is supposed to be.  And this can be your husband, boyfriend, guy you just had coffee with, or the one you walk by everyday in the hall at work but don't know his name.  We, of the female ilk, are really good at believing we can make something (or someone) to be what we want if we just try hard enough. ...more
I especially agree with not trying to change your mate, and for the red flags to get out. Very ...more

Okay. Now what?

So here I am.  I am 50.  How the hell did that happen and why am I not who I thought I would be?  And when it comes to who I am, well, I am not always entirely clear as to who that person is anyway.What I know (or cautiously think I know):    I am a 50 year old woman, who has been blessed with good genes. I am a good mom, to my two grown daughters and now grandmother to a beautiful baby girl. I am a good daughter and friend. I love to write, in journals, notes, short stories.  But I have never done anything with it and most people dont know that about me because I have kept it to myself.  Don't ask me why I have never shared that, because I have no idea.What I also know is, I have not done well in the whole relationship area.  I have two failed marriages under my belt, and recently ended long term relationship that was moving toward possible marriage.  More on that one later.   You see I am not feeling real confident in the whole boy meets girl and they live happily ever after department.  Not only do I know I have been disappointed in the men in my life, but I also know I have returned the favor and been just as disappointing to them.  So here I am, deciding to put things out there that feel important (maybe not always earth shaking important, but nice important), my observations, what I find interesting, funny, sad, and maybe a little odd.  I think  I might make some nice discoveries along the way and I may even get really lucky and find out how to shift some gears and stop going down the same road and making the same mistakes. Dont get me wrong, mistakes can be a good thing.  As long as we learn from them and move on to a better place.  But sometimes, we fail to recognize what is a mistake and continue on and on doing the same thing. That current road of mine needs some serious repairs, and last I checked I was the one causing the damage to that damn road.  And while maybe I should take some responsibility and repair it, my thought is more to ditch it and find a new road.  A better road, that leads to even more interesting paths, roads, boats, planes, and maybe even a donkey.  You get the idea.  New road, new transportation.  New outlook. There are things out there that I have yet to discover, callings that I have ignored or been too busy with my own thoughts to hear.  Maybe..now that I am 50 and lived more than half my life, I might start to pay a little more attention to what I should be doing.People say this all the time. "If you had asked me 5, 10, fill in the blank years, I would never believe that I am where I am now." What I have had, I have lost.  What I believed I wanted, was taken away or just never materialized.  Where I am is no where I would have anticipated being.  Truly it is starting all over again.  And I have struggled with that, I have mourned what I have lost, cried over what could have been but wasnt, envied what I thought I should be, deserved, wanted.  And I have beaten myself up on a pretty regular basis about all of that.  That takes a lot of energy.  Crappy, depressing energy.  And I have allowed myself to wallow in it when I am alone with my own thoughts.  The funny thing is, I dont come off that way.  I am what everyone sees as the amazing optimist.  Apparently I am really good at bullshitting. So as time goes on I am going to evaluate some of these choices that I have made in my life here.  I am going to call myself out and hold myself accountable.  And along the way figure some of it out.  And also, point out what is wonderful, funny, and amazing out there. It is time for Chrissy to pay attention....more
"Don't get me wrong, mistakes can be a good thing.  As long as we learn from them and move on to ...more