Limits

An open letter to my beloved siblings:If you plan a vacation to Japan to intentionally visit the "Suicide Forest", do not anticipate that I will drop what I am doing to come save you when you are trapped as some forlorn ghost.I love you, but come on.Baleful Regards,Your oldest sibling ....more

lists from 3 a.m.

Did I remember to change the office hours in my syllabus?I must refill the school lunch account for Em. Those reminders are worse than the cheery "Hey! It's time for your student loan payment to be snatched out of your savings acct!" ...more

Death may take a holiday, but Vomiting does not

An oldie, but goodie. ...more

De-qi

I recline in the chair and breathe slowly.In. Out. In.The task is for me to bring my body into some sort of stasis, consciously relaxing the parts in which I am carrying tension ....more

Thanksgiving Hamburger 2005

I am in Detroit. Having Thanksgiving with this same family. I still occasionally say "But the Baby wants a hot dog!" **** A week has passed ....more

Fade into me

Where am I?Here, of course. Busy. Absorbed in the world of work, my students, my child, my pets ....more

Decade

In August, my decade long anniversary with this blog passed unnoticed by me.Time is like that, I think.You watch things and wonder how long it will take you to get something done, or how long before the baby can talk, then walk, then be out of diapers and suddenly you find yourself standing next to a 17 year old woman who is considering colleges and you aren't at all sure how you ended up where you are.I look at my face in the mirror. I gain weight. I lose weight ....more

Twitch

My eye has been twitching since April.At first I assumed it was because of the end of the semester was fast approaching and I had eleventy-billion things to attempt to complete and 65 students to wrangle and oh yeah, what research was I going to try to get done and did I remember to arrange what ever the hell else I was supposed to be doing....Generally when my eye has twitched in the past, it means I am over tired and in sleep debt. A couple of good nights of ten hour sleep and the twitch fades.Not this summer. The right eye ....more

Some days

Some days, you come in to your office.The office that you have to unpack becauseyou had to pack it all up so the carpets could be cleanedafter a pipe burst and demolished some of your hooked rugsand your child's portfolios from preschool with moldand the buildings people acted like you are insane for even being upsetbecause why did you have anything of value in your office anywayand you are just so over it.You walk up to your door and see this sitting in your mailbox:Puzzled, you open it.And find this: A note from each of the students who are about to go student teach this fall.You cry a little.And you realize why you do all of this ....more

Coco, Adieu

I held her as she died.A strong kick as the seizures rippled through her body. A moment of calm as I told her I was there, that she would be all right, just relax...and then another kick.Three times she did this and then she was gone. Ten minutes before midnight.I held her in a way she would have never allowed had she still be alive, curled up in my arms, my head bent to her fur.I cried again ....more