All I want for Christmas, 2015

This is my seventh annual Christmas list. Which is crazy.There's simply no way I have been doing this for that long.If you're so inclined, you can read my previous lists here.201420132012201120102009I am terrible at making lists. I am terrible at asking for things ....more

50 Things About My Father

Earlier this year, in May I think, I wrote a post about my Mom. I have made no secret of the fact that she and I had a complicated relationship, or that the circumstances of the last years of her life were not good ones. For her or for me, or for us together ....more

You Got This, Mama

I could write entire posts about what it is like to live with post partum depression, about each of the bizarre symptoms that I deal with, about the particular realities involved with my specific subtype of the condition.I've written a bit about them here before, though not in too much detail. I don't go into the details so much for a few reasons, not the least of which is that I'm still very much dealing with PPD on a daily basis and paying too much attention to the details tends to send me into a spiral.My form of PPD is closely tied to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I have intrusive thoughts ....more

It was all too much until it stopped

This past weekend, my husband hauled all the Halloween boxes from out of the basement for the annual decoration ritual. As the calendar changed from September to October, it all begins, the fall holidays that come and go, urging the winter ones right along behind them.This time of year, like so many of them it seems, carry heavy reminders for me personally. From the first moments of October all the way through to the end of the year, it's as though each week practically has some date that means something in one way or another.October carries more than a few of those dates.The first of October has become one of the hardest days of the year for me, for reasons that I still haven't shared here and maybe never will ....more


The past few weeks have been transitional ones here, with the move to homeschooling two of the kids. I've been mostly in a good place of late, but I know that that's largely because I have just been too busy to think about how I'm feeling. Not that it's a bad thing, to be honest ....more

To The One I Never Thought I'd Meet

Dear Sweet Boy, I started this letter to you a few weeks ago, actually, sitting on the front porch of the house, staring up as the breeze blew, the afternoon sunlight filtered by the movement of the leaves. The air filled with the sounds of the edges of those leaves just beginning to dry out and crinkle on the edges and of you, talking to yourself as you played beside me....more

Boldly Going Where Others Have Already Gone

I haven't been around here much lately, and if I'm being entirely honest, I don't know how much time I'll have to write in the near-ish future.This weekend, the baby figured out how to stand up without hanging on to anything, so now he'll be walking and running more than sitting and crawling. He actually did it for the first time when all of us, including his grandparents, were watching, which was pretty cool.He's not the only reason, though.Last week, I pulled Mini Me and Little Boy out of public school. I'll be homeschooling them primarily with a supplemental program through the district that they will attend once a week ....more

How Does It Feel?

Either last week or the one before, my middle son sat down and nonchalantly asked me a question that no one has ever asked before.How does it feel to have both of my parents dead?To say that I was unprepared for such a question would be an understatement. It hit me firmly in the gut and left me momentarily speechless.I forget sometimes how literal children his age can be. They ask the questions they ask not for any motivation other than pure curiosity ....more

Things That Piss Me Off Tuesday - the it's September so everyone needs money edition

Salutations, September.August was pretty much 31 days of suck. Expensive suck. For whatever reason a whole lot of stuff went wrong last month and it's costing us a damn fortune, so now that August is over, things should get better, right?Well ....more

The journey to marriage equality

Earlier this week was the 95th anniversary of the day women gained the right to vote in this country. I saw many people sharing links about the date, the significance of it all, and I couldn't help but laugh at the tagline Facebook attached to the story. "Happy Women's Equality Day!"I wouldn't go that far.It's not as though finally being given the right to vote automatically conferred equality then - after all we had to be "given" that right by men and women of color were in many places stopped from exercising their rights fully for several decades to follow ....more