Lessons In Your Past

My Sister in Law found this picture of me going through some of Mom's things. I saw this picture every day for years and years, it was framed at my Grandma's house. This was the picture Mom had taken of me for my third birthday, and I think she sent it to people in cards around this time or something ....more

No Surprise No Mystery

We had planned our annual trek to the fair and decided to go back to the fair that is closest to us because traditionally they've always had the superior selection of FAIR FOOD. My friend Christa had told me tales of a bacon wrapped corn dog but that wasn't to be found here. What WAS to be found....was PULLED PORK AND STEAK SUNDAES ....more

Walking On The Moon

I'm stuck somewhere in grief that I don't know how to escape. I'm eating too much. I'm not working out enough ....more

Protest Is Futile

Perhaps the only reason I have children is so that I can get through this time in my life. It's 10:37 am and I haven't cried once despite having twice reached for my phone to call mom. I also processed the thought "Is Mom at the nursing home or at Matt's?" before I remembered.I would like to have devolved into blubbering, sloppy snotty tears, but you see life was busy with me ....more

If I Had Wings I'd Leave The Ground

I did really well for four days. On Monday I got on a airplane and traveled to Montreal and I did a lot of stuff. I got to visit with a good friend and eat lots of amazing food ....more

It Looks Like Home To Me Alright

I pause in my self absorbed, grief stricken wailing to bring you...muffins.I take off tomorrow to a place that according to Weather.com will be both cold and rainy. I'm gonna be away from my loves for three days - well three nights, not returning until Thursday around dinner time. I felt like I had to make my last day at home a good one, a FUN one.They're only Martha White "just add milk" cheapie muffins ....more

Dreaming Dreams Of What Used To Be

I never really spent much time considering my mother's funeral in terms of what it would be like. I suppose that's mostly because it wasn't something I wanted to think about for any damn reason, ever. That's probably dumb, because most people end up burying their parents so it's probably a good thing to have given it some thought ....more

...but I Don't Know Where To Start

There's a lot of work to do to get ready for a funeral. There's the funeral work. My brother did that ....more

How Fragile We Are

On September first I woke up at six am and saw multiple phone calls plus a text from my brother to call him. There were from 4:15 in the morning.I knew what that meant.On August 31st I had this thought, "My mom just needs to die." She was suffering, in a coma, she was drugged but in obvious distress. My brother made sure she got more medication to calm her ....more

Like Tears From A Star

We had planned a day out on Sunday. We thought that perhaps some time in the park, fresh air and such, would be a welcome diversion from the oppressive stress that's been hovering over us.However upon reviewing the weather it became apparent that the remnants of Hurricane Erica or whatever it was named was bearing down on us.The kids got me up early and I realized shortly after breakfast - WE HAD TIME. So at 9:30 am we piled outside for frisbee and soccer and running around and squealing (sorry neighbors) while the storm clouds loomed in the west and south ....more