Perfectly still...

I am trying to be still, perfectly still.  My life is going well.  Not quite how I would have designed it but I believe that God is in control.  He knows the beginning and the end.  He is the ...more
i love your opening encouraged....more

Four days together maybe the start of forever?

We had four wonderful days alone together.  My ex husband and I met at a beautiful lake in Arkansas and just were there.  We left our families, our jobs, our separate homes, our old hard feelings at home and just had an amazing weekend.  There were revelations both observed and spoken.  I saw the changes in his capabilities.  He is easily winded much quicker than before with less exertion.  However, I saw how ingenious he is about finding a way to make it work.  He used pulleys to move things he no longer could on his own.  He asked me to get things f...more

Resurrection Sunday - apart but of one heart.

Happy Easter!  Thank you Jesus!  The miracle of your love and grace is something I pray I never forget.  Today was a blessing.  I got to hear Your word and sing Your praises in the morning.  I got to take a neighbor with a slightly broken heart out for lunch.  My children got to spend the day with their dad.  I pray they were able to share a bit of the Truth with him in their own sweet ways.  I got to watch a movie at home in peace.  I got a sweet picture sent to me from the man I have loved for nearly 10 years.  It was a quiet day but ...more

Falling into place or pieces?

It has been a whirl wind in my head these last few weeks.  But I think it is starting to settle down.  I have gone from being elated and convinced a reconcilliation was immanent to nope he will never forgive me enough to love me again.  Luckily my brain has calmed down a bit.  I should say the Lord has calmed me down and given me some peace about the whole thing.  I read exodus 14:14 The Lord Himself will fight for you....more

Can God be using my divorce to save my marriage? Is that even possible?

I have had a thought, one that kind of even makes me nervous to have thought it.  I wondered to myself, could God have used my divorce to save my marriage?  I know even saying it makes me cringe because He would never have wanted or encouraged a divorce.  I guess more of what I mean is what if He knew the divorce was inevitable (because of our hard heartedness and disobedience) and he saw down the line an opportunity for what might be happening now.  Of course He is omnipotent and can do anything He wants but really?  I looked at Romans 8:28 and it says th...more

A change for the better part 2

I was scared, afraid & petrified but I went.  Before I went, I prayed that God would help me say what needed to be said and to keep quiet when it was appropriate.  I asked Him to help me listen without being able to be upset unnecessarily.  I asked him to help me not cause him any harm or trigger any of his addictions by what I might say or do.  We met at a store I love to visit and we hugged briefly.  He looked good.  A little heavier than the last time I had seen him so I felt better about my new curves.  It is so weird for me ...more

A change for the better?

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  Really my life has been sort of boring which has been kind of nice.  I had settled into a nice, kids, church.  I have been focused on making God my first love and getting to know him better.   I have read through the bible and am a third of the way through it again.  I go to lifegroups at our church which are smaller more intimate bible studies....more
praying for your very difficult situation.  I clearly am coming to your story late in the game, ...more

I have given it to God

I have given the whole issue of my failed marriage and potential reconcilliation over to God.  I have been shown the areas that I failed in my marriage.  I didn't trust that God could help or fix things between us so I got a divorce.  I divorced him based on counselors advice and many sound reasons.  None of them where Godly reasons.  I guess if his pornography addiction is considered infidelity then I suppose I even had a biblical reason.  It was not the cause of our divorce however.  Anyways, I feel like that my divorce was not based on physical infideli...more

I don't want to know. Well, I already know but I just don't want to hear it out loud.

I'm feeling a little sad today.  I guess part of me hoped that after a year, with time to reflect, and with the opportunity for reconcilliation out there that my ex husband would want to try again.  He hasn't out and out said that he is not interested with words but that is what he means.  I have prayed and fasted and talked to him a lot about everything and he keeps saying that he doesn't think he can ever be what I need.  I guess I have to take him at his word.  I tried for 7 years to get him to just not lie to me and to do what he said he was going to do.  O...more

Rebellious or right on target?

I have been thinking (which can be a dangersous thing) about the whole idea of reconciling with my ex.  Not that we are even to that place yet.  I have been praying, reading my bible and trying to let God lead me where he will.  The conversations I have been having with my former husband really only lead to more questions for me.  I wonder if I am picking things apart or am I being given divine insite?  I don't know!  He says things like "I have spent the last year trying to figure out my life without you in it."  So I think, Ok, well lets just look a...more