My Struggle With Mommy Guilt

I have been at home by myself most of the week. While many would say "yay, good for you," I am not really celebrating. The reason is I've been sick. What I thought was the flu got worse and worse until my husband dragged me to the doctor where I was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection and strep throat. The fever, chills, cotton mouth and coughing up a lung with such force that my head feels like it's going to explode may have something to do with that. But the thing that makes it even worse? The guilt that I'm in bed while other people are taking on my responsibilities, at work and at home.I am not superwoman. I know that nobody is perfect and there is no shame in asking for help, but having to call my mother in law to babysit my toddler while I rest gives me a bad feeling that is icing on the worst cake ever....more

Why I Choose Not to "Like" Myself

When I started writing it was just a fun hobby, but then it grew into something more. When I started posting my writing online, it made my mother, who was the first and only person I showed my work to at that time, impressed and slightly nervous. I showed her one of my short stories about a girl named Angelica who was faced with tough times. Knowing circumstances I was going through, she asked me, "Is this about you?" Yes and no. I feel like I put a piece of myself in everything I write, but this girl, she evolved from an idea into something all on her own. Her response was two fold, first was "You should write children's books." The second? "Don't let people know that it's you."A proud introvert with words, ideas and something to say, I often have a hard time getting up the nerve to say it. That's why I've gone back and forth between blogging and just writing privately. But one day, one of those Murphy's Law days where everything just went completely wrong, I have had enough. Enough of keeping calm, enough of holding my tongue, enough of these overwhelming thoughts and emotions and quips building up inside me. I burst through the door, walked straight up to my husband and said "I'm going to do it. I'm putting my work back online." Blindsided on the couch, he nodded, said okay. Then after I started getting back in the blogging game he suggested I start a Facebook page to promote my blog and my other work. It was a good idea, but it took me a few weeks to do it because I honestly don't know how I feel about the people I'm friends on Facebook to know about my blog....more

Have You Ever Experienced Blogger's Remorse?

I'm an introvert. Let's just make that clear right now. I am a quiet bookworm that loves to be in her PJs on a comfy couch with a good book and snacks within arm's reach. But I've loved writing for most of my life. And blogging? Well, it just makes sense. I've got stories to tell and things to say and don't always have a willing audience to indulge me. (My unsupportive one-year-old child keeps walking away from me unless she wants something, can you believe it?) ...more
I haven't felt remorse but I have the constant feeling of self doubt. Do people really want to ...more

Trying Not To "Should" All Over Myself

When I was in high school I read a book called Chocolat and I loved it (as I would about most books that are about food, life, love and sometimes magic). Then I saw the movie with Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche, and in that movie Judi Dench, who plays landlady and lovable rebel Armande tells her beloved grandson Luc, Don't worry so much about "supposed to." It was something that stuck with me and I think I know why. I worry too much and from the moment the weekend ended it seems like I've been going crazy trying to get all that I need done. And I feel lazy when I don't because I don't have a husband or kids to take care of. I should have time to do it all. Work my 40-plus hours a week, write and update my short story blog (www.quarterlifestories.wordpress.com), work on building that into a full website, work on my book, hang out with my saint of a boyfriend, participate in various church activities, and also somehow cook and clean. The last two are the hardest to accomplish lately because I make a beeline for my bed as soon as I see it lately....more

I'm Still Here (in the Safe place)

It's 2012 and I'm starting my third year at my unpleasant job. It's the longest I've ever worked in once place in my 26 and a half years and I find that sad. I feel stuck there. The more I get involved in my job and the more responsibilities I have put upon me, the more depressing, discouraging things I see and the further away I feel from the work that I really want to do....more

Bouncing back for 2012

So this year, I went through alot. I faced battles at work and at home. I was beat down, learned how to stand up, and in the process learned a few cold hard facts about myself, including my inner truth....more

First Impression

Okay, so this time I'm coming to this blog as a way to ask for advice and hopefully get some opinions from the lovely people out there in the blogosphere. I'm going to do something I don't usually do... talk about my work. My real work as a writer. My projects, my stories and my ideas. I'm at this creative crossroads and I have no idea which way to turn....more

Stuck in Neutral

In a sad turn of events, I had not only a job rejection, but a job offer and rejection within the course of a week. My desperate attempt for a career change and freedom to escape the land where hope dies failed. I took it fairly well, then the weekend came and my downward spiral began. ...more

Prepping and Profiling

So I have had a crappy week that spurred me to apply for more jobs than I ever have before just so I can get the hell out of my current one. I've gotten little to no response and the responses that I have gotten were either "thanks but no thanks" or "you stuff is good, but we've decided to go with someone else. Maybe you can just freelance." While that sounds good, I can't relocate for just the occasional freelance gig. And I'm bummed these newspapers didn't save me from my hellish day job....more

Which "One" Am I?

My brother is here for the holiday weekend. He's the only one that actually stayed home while the rest of us uprooted here for some reason that I still have trouble explaining to people. It's rather unusual that we all ended up moving our lives to the midwest while my brother remains in Sunny California. Most people here would think we've been living in the midwest and he was the one that went off to live the glamourous LA life....more