Silence is the Enemy of Intimacy

Is discussing money a hot button subject at your house?Is your husband involved in business deals you don't understand?Even worse, does he withhold financial information when you ask for it?One of the women I interviewed for my book said, "He wants to have sex every night and I can't know what our net worth is? And I'm supposed to pretend it doesn't matter?"...more

Parents Abused by Adult Children

Parental abuse is a silent problem, widely prevalent but not widely discussed. Search online and most of what comes up is about parents who abuse children.Parents who are bullied by their adult children have trouble admitting it; they may even deny that there is a problem. They feel depressed, and anxious....more

Counterintuitive Thinking about Marriage

Here's another way to think about marriage and money. It’s counterintuitive to think about widowhood or divorce when you’re getting married. Few women do.However, without thinking of the consequences of letting our husband manage our money, we set ourselves up for financial vulnerability. We trust him to be making financial choices that will benefit us both. Sometimes he is; sometimes he isn’t. Most of the time, he’s not thinking of our future without him....more

There's Nothing Romantic about Money

I met a financial advisor years ago who had the most seductively soothing bedside manner. He had been recommended by a friend who said this man was ‘really great working with widows’.The advisor explained that it’s hard for women whose husband had managed the investments to understand how the market works. “Ultimately, it comes down to your peace of mind and the trust we establish in the relationship”, he said....more

Some Marriages Over Before They Begin

I collect cartoons, especially ones about marriage. Here are two of my favorites:#1. A father with his arms around his son's shoulder as they gaze out the window on a large factory. The caption reads "Someday, son, all this will belong to your wife."#2. A bridal couple, in full wedding regalia, sitting in the back of a limo. She looks angry. He looks puzzled. The caption reads "It didn't have to end like this". ...more

Women Ashamed of Financial Abuse

A woman contacted me recently asking what she could do to learn more about her marital finances. She explained that her husband became angry when she wanted to participate in financial decisions, teasing her she never had a head for numbers and asking her "Don't you trust me?" She was starting to feel hemmed in by his controlling behavior and wondered if I could help her....more

A Financial Intimacy Valentine

Ladies, this love letter is for your husband who may not read Blogher columns.Print it out and let him read it.Hi guys,Here’s an idea for Valentine’s Day that you husbands may not have considered. Unlike many of the gifts you’ve been conditioned to equate with love, this gift won’t cost you any money . In fact, you will reap rewards far beyond your expectations. You might even wind up spending the day in bed - together. The gift? It's called financial intimacy....more

Abusers and Valentines

Valentine’s Day will soon be here accompanied by the buying frenzy of flowers, jewelry, sexy lingerie, chocolates and other gifts we've been told equate with love. Culturally, women are so conditioned to respond to Valentine’s Day that even in financially abusive relationships, receiving a Valentine gift or card from their  lover or spouse renews a woman's hope for a loving future together....more

Your Husband Can’t Read Your Mind

Actually, no one can.  Yet this is one of the biggest myths surrounding romance and marriage . “If he really loves me, he would  know what I want.” How can your husband or boyfriend know that?He didn’t learn it from his mother, who probably behaved the same way you are and didn’t ask for what she wanted or needed either. His father may have been clueless about what his mother wanted for the same reason....more

The Facelift that Sparked a Divorce

When Inge told her husband she planned a face lift, he said that they couldn’t afford it. She thought they could; she asked Harry to show her the books.   He got angry, called her a shrew, a nag, and an ungrateful bitch of a wife, then stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.  I met Inge when she attended my seminar a few weeks after that incident. Recently, I saw her again on the walking trail. Animated and radiant, she looked years younger than I remembered her. She brought me up to date....more