Legal and Financially Abusive

My friend’s husband left her after 25 years of marriage. He planned his exit down to the last dollar. She had no idea it was going to happen.They live in a community property state,  so he worked with his lawyer to circumvent the 50/50 divorce distribution required by law. How?...more

Another Letter to the Bride

It happened again. A friend announced her wedding. For her, her wedding day is the most special thing that can happen to a woman. For me, not so much. So here's what I'm thinking of telling her.Your wedding is going to cost us, your family and friends, more than we can afford, or want to spend. You've been living with and traveling with this guy for six years. You both have good incomes. You've got every imaginable household appliance. You've got leather furniture, an entertainment center and each of you drives a new car....more

The Rich Abuser

The police found her at sunrise, slumped over the steering wheel in her white Lexus. The socialite huddled inside a mink coat, her jaw slack, saliva drooling. Her wedding band and engagement ring sparkled in the morning light.They tried the door. It was locked. One of the officers knocked on the window; she didn’t respond. When they pried the door open, the smell of alcohol hit them hard. They recognized her as one of the fundraisers for the annual community event benefitting the police and fire departments....more

The Financially Abused Wife

Nearly 10,000 readers  clicked on Blogher posts The Financially Abusive Husband  and Financial Abuse is a Woman's Problem, way more than on any other topic I blogged about. ...more

"Sign here, Honey"

It’s one month from tax time. If you’re like most wives I know, you’ll let your husband consult with the accountant. You have too many other things to do, and besides, you’re not interested in all those forms. BIG MISTAKE! Your signature is required to file a joint tax return. Your signature means you read it, understood it and agreed with the information. ...more

Who Protects the Second Wife?

We take life on the local road for granted. The oncoming car will stay in its lane. The tailgating driver behind us won’t ram our rear fender. The grazing deer won’t run out on the road . The driver in the weaving car can handle his tire blowout. The bridge will hold and get us across the river.“I’ll only be gone a few hours” he had said. “We’ll review the paperwork later.”...more

An Expensive Wedding Ritual

The rehearsal dinner is often the first time that a bride and groom get to know each other’s family.A  friend's son is getting married in a few weeks. She recently got a closer look at Maria, her future daughter-in-law and her ideas about money, value and entitlement.  For years, Maria had fantasized about "her special day", and all the trimmings that go along with it....more

Is Valentine’s Day Just For Women?

According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion Valentine cards are sent each year; 85 percent of them are purchased by women. Yet it’s men who feel most of the pressure to spend money, sometimes lots of it, because their wife or girlfriend takes this day very seriously....more

The Courage to Call Off the Wedding

I met Ellen on a flight to New York. She had just called off her wedding, scheduled for Valentine’s Day. Ellen was in her late thirties. This would have been her second marriage.“It’s almost as complicated to call off the wedding as it is to put it together,” she said. “Strange how everyone seems to take my decision personally. My parents, my daughter, my friends and co-workers, all  trying to reassure me that it’s natural to feel nervous before your wedding. I wasn’t nervous. There were red flags, and I paid attention to them."...more

It's Too Easy to Get Married

It's easier to get married than it is to get a driver's license or buy a gun.If you want a driver's license, you need to go through driver's education of some sort, then pass a written test and go for a test drive with someone from the Department of Motor Vehicles. For the gun, you must wait 10 days, or whatever the law is in your state, while the authorities run identity checks on you....more