This is not really worth reading.

I sat on my bed last night staring at the walls. They are still white primer, they have been for 6 years, because for 6 years I have been through dozens of paint swatches and hundreds of pinterests boards and I still cannot decided on a color. I have changed the bedding 3 times and still the white primer remains. My house is currently for sale and one of my biggest fears is that it will sell with the walls still colorless and I would never get to see the finished project....more

Precious September 22nd

Four years ago today the pain was unbearable. A little heaven scented baby boy was supposed to finally be making his grand entrance into the world three weeks after his due date, but somehow he got a little lost along the way and managed to get turned around all the while getting his little wiggly feet stuck in my spinal cord....more

A Monday Mourning

   They are lined up on the ground, with white dirty sheets covering their faces. Most are 4 maybe 5 years old. My son turns 4 in two weeks, I cant even imagine. Some are missing legs, some are missing arms, some have unzipped pants. Im numb. I do not take my eyes off the screen. I stare trying to concentrate on every emotion I am feeling. I imagine, I judge, I Pray. Others walk past me looking over my shoulder and look away quick with disgust mumbling something like "whats wrong with the news" and "gross, why are they showing this to us" but I continue to stare....more

All is Grace

  She hates me. I mean she really really hates me. I sense her frustration and restlessness when were forced to be in the same room. I see her through the corner of my eye watching me, waiting for me to trip or hiccup so she can let me know that she saw it. If my spirit is open and freely laughing she swings down the hammer with cruel words to paralize me in that moment. I have been told on several encounters, "you need to stand up for yourself, you need to say something" but I cant....more

Going for Broke

I need to write. If no one ever reads it, thats fine. Its how I stay balanced. Its how I sort out my thoughts. I need to see the big picture laid out in front of me. The process is this: I sit, I think, I pray, I come empty. Thats my secret for every thing, COME EMPTY. If I truly choose to be a vessel, a channel for the Lord to work then I need less of me and more room for Him to fill. So I wait and let Him show up, and He always does. It is going on midnight. It is quiet....more