The Distorted View of Fear

We each have fears as we go through the divorce process.  Our fears are often based in the unknown.  Everything is so uncertain, it is impossible to see around the bend to know what your life is going to look like when you emerge on the other side.  So our minds begin to ‘figure it out’.  The way we do this is to go to the ‘what if’s’.  What if I don’t have enough money?  What if I cannot hold down a job and take care of my kids?  What if I don’t get to see my kids?  What if the kids like my ex’s new partner more than me?  What if I am unable to ...more

How is FEAR affecting your ability to move forward?

fear |fi(ə)r| noun...more

Can you imagine consciously choosing to suffer?

It is easy to feel negative and down during your divorce process.   While your feelings of fear, guilt, shame, anger, frustration and sadness are completely normal, they don’t have to consume you.  Now you may say, “I can’t help it, that’s just how I feel.”  What if I told you that you have the power to change how you feel at any given moment.  It’s not always easy, but it is absolutely possible....more

Upon what do you choose to focus?

 When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell...more

4th Key to a Healthy Relationship: Personal Responsibility

 When you get upset with your partner, first consider your part in the incident.  How did I exacerbate the circumstances or how have I put myself in this situation by not setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them?  If you hear yourself saying, “he hurt me so bad, it’s his fault that I…” or “I only said those things because she…”, remember that you are completely responsible for your actions and you always have choices. ...more

3rd Key to a Healthy Relationship: Foster Communication

Don’t make assumptions. We often react to our perception of our loved one’s actions or words and completely misinterpret their meaning. For instance, “If he loved me, he would take the trash out, it’s all I ask!”, or “the one night I watch sports with the guys she nags at me, she doesn’t appreciate all that I do…”  In each of these statements, the speaker is looking for acknowledgement and validation.  What might the person receiving these statements hear? Stop and question your interpretations....more

2nd Key to a Healthy Relationship: Be Authentic

When we first meet someone that we are attracted to, we have an inclination to be on our best behavior; to think about how our actions will look before we proceed.  While this sounds like a good approach at first glance, we are beginning the relationship with deceit and not trusting that the other person will like us for who we really are. ...more

1st Key to a Healthy Relationship: Self-Love

If you do not love yourself, you will be looking to ‘get’ that which you feel you are lacking from others and will surely be disappointed.  It is when we are insecure with ourselves that we look for someone else to ‘complete’ us or ‘fill us up’ or ‘make us happy’.  A relationship based on needing another’s attention, admiration or love to feel complete is a recipe for heartbreak. ...more

Attitude

The only thing that we truly have control over…...more

The Gift of Grace

Our greatest struggles bring out the best and the worst of our character.  Divorce, being one of the most difficult conflict-ridden seasons of our lives, gives us ample opportunity to decide who we choose to be.  We have the choice to cultivate the best or the worst of our character....more