Get a Room: A Pay-by-the-Half-Hour Story

Once upon a time, immediately after moving into my current apartment, I told a mentor of mine that I was thinking about adopting a four-legged baby, most likely a cat. She was neither encouraging nor supportive. “That cat will only hold you back,” she argued, “you’re too young and unsettled to give up your freedom ....more

Survey Says....

My airline wants to know how a recent flight I took went. ...more

A Special Sentencing Proceeding

I love a good competition. Or even a bad one. Spelling bees, backyard bocce ball matches, staring contests ....more

Take Your Hat Off

Who remembers this scene from The Sopranos? People keep doing this to me (currently re: my nice warm, pink, winter hat) and it’s infuriating. A swanky restaurant is one thing, but when I’m sitting down at the DMV? ...more

Stay with Me, and I’ll Show You a Good Time

It’s time to just come out and say it: I'm so good of a hostess (a skill I picked up after years of observing my mother in action) I sometimes wish I could have the opportunity of being a guest in my home....more

Easy, Quickie, Last-Minute Gift Ideas for the Randoms in Your Life

It’s crunch time. I’m only halfway done with my holiday shopping, and don’t particularly care. These are all just items and objects ....more

OK, Now I’ll Admit It – Having a Bad Thyroid Sucks

My childhood/teenage asthma often led to an annual bout of bronchitis that kept me out of school for two weeks, mostly because I milked it for all it was worth. Nobody could lower her head in agony, or sabotage a thermometer reading, like me.“But you’re not wheezing anymore,” someone would insist.“Purely due to your catching me at a good time,” I answered weakly but firmly, fluttering my eyes. “All I need is one more day ....more

No Mug Shot, Just Mug Shame

Although I rarely remember it’s there, when you walk into one grocery store in my neighborhood, the first thing you might notice is the Shoplifters Wall of Shame. Floor managers take a picture of every thief they catch, print out a black-and-white copy of that picture, and hang it above a towering stack of red shopping baskets. In each photo, the shoplifters hold up the item(s) they tried making off with ....more

6 Reminders I Got While Volunteering (as a Tribute) at a “Small Business Saturday” Event

*The most down-to-earth New Yorkers live in Queens. Salt of the city. *I’m cut out for standing in the cold, glovelessly handing out free stuff to people who weren’t expecting it ....more

Imagine This

Walking through Central Park the other night, I was all but chased down (if you’re ever walking around, minding your own business, earbuds firmly in place, music at full volume, it guarantees you nothing – anybody desperately wanting to talk to you will move hell and earth to do so) by 3 people standing just inside the 72nd St. entrance, 20 feet away from Strawberry Fields. The kinds of people who have spent tons of time in the Bay Area, but not San Francisco proper ....more