I don't like your kids

I have a confession. I don't like other people's kids. I'm a little worried that this is going to sound snotty and mean, but the truth of the matter is that I'm amazed at how many kids I don't like. What's even weirder is that there's no pattern to this madness. You'd think that if I didn't like the parents, I wouldn't like their kids, but that's not the case. Often, I like the parents, and I get a massive migraine if I have to spend any time around their kids....more

I also prefer to be around kids who have manners. But to be honest? My children aren't on the ...more

Tiger Woods isn't to blame

As I walked along a grassy path, I could hear men murmur "Wow, she's even better looking in person." A couple of guys yelled, "You're the best blogger ever!"  Shyly, I glanced into the crowd and locked eyes with a man who looked like Gerard Butler. "I loved your post about unplugging toilets," he managed, tears welling in his soulful eyes. "No one gets me like you do.  Is there any chance we could meet for coffee?" ...more

What I used to be...

I used to be all about a small glass bottle of foundation. It was the first thing I put on in the morning, and the last thing I took off at night. It was my mask. I carried it with me, reapplying when needed. It was my security blanket in a bottle, the critical ingredient I needed to pretend I was as perfect as the images that assailed me on tv, magazine covers, and movie screens. ...more