Firecracker

A week ago at this time, I was happily retired to our room in anticipation of sleeping late.   #dayoff# I think that’s what I see those Tweeters are doing anyway. The Mrs. and the fam left town and gosh darn, they gave me the time off! Four entire days. Now, that’s about two more than I need since I find pleasure in the pressure and fear of a looming Monday....more

Flattery

Over the years, the kids have come to learn that at 3:30, I can be found watching Everyday Italian with Giada de Laurentiis and folding laundry. They have also come to learn that I think she is singlehandedly the most annoying host on The Food Network. Perhaps even on basic cable. The shirt that’s too tight and too low and toned down by a contrasting color camisole underneath to tame the titties; the chewing AND TALKING with a mouthful of basily-garlicy-pastay food....more

I also find Giada annoying but like her food. It's not always super-inspired but always seems to ...more

Body Art

Upon the conclusion of each day at preschool, the little ankle biters are each stamped on their hands. I don’t know why exactly. Afterall,  we children of the 80s grew up in a world in which we were told not to color on ourselves. Oh, and DON’T wear snapbracelets unless you want to lose an eyeball or something, kids. Later in life, my sister and I both opted to PERMANENTLY draw on ourselves with large-scale tattoos, but we were never so nervey as to Crayola the crap out of our forearms as youngsters. We were rule followers....more