postcards from the edge

Dear Former Stay-At-Home Self,Non-elastic waist pants with zippers and buttons are totally overrated. Also do you think me missing the quality time diaper changes afforded, may be a sign of some sort of mental breakdown? Dear Yoga Pants,Why can't you be considered appropriate workplace attire?  I miss you old friend.Dear Empty Lunch Bag,I despise your emptiness. You have now replaced making lunch for two toddlers as the hair shirt I must wear.Dear Grocery Store At 4:30,Its been a while but you are still the cluster fuck I remembered.  ...more

dishevelled mom standing in the fruit aisle of a grocery store

Her childlessness was apparent. It might have been the disdainful glance at my kids, daycare grime ringing there nostrils, indoor voices echoing shrill up amongst the painted, metal rafters.Or it could have been her spotless houndstooth wool suit.  Houndstooth being one of those obvious materials with magnetizing properties known to attract crumbs, peanut butter grease and boogers.  The staples of any mother of small children.  ...more

the story of my Sawyer

To my baby boy who will always know how very wanted he is.The story of my Sawyer's beginning is at the ending of another's.  When the ache of motherhood was new in my heart and the need to fill the emptiness, left us feeling anxious and lost and wild....more

I am mommy

I am not a babysitter, a childcare worker, or a nannyI carry a diaper bag not a purseI live in a home filled with toys and stain guarded carpet, not an Ikea catalogueI use a train table for a coffee tableand drink from plastic cups, not glasses I answer to no one, not Barney, not Thomas, not DoraI follow no rules and adhere to no schedule (except nap time)I go to the park not the malland eat Cheerios and highchair left overs for lunchI don't know where the potty is...but we'll just pee right here in the parking lot...more

I thought you should know

That there was a time when nothing was funny, when there was no jokes, no smiles. When the technician standing in front of the monitor, holding the wand shook her head, just slightly but I saw it.  And she said to go home and wait for my midwife to call.  And so commenced the longest I had ever gone without laughing.There was a time when I sat on my couch and learned that it was not to be, as sometimes happens.  When I cried into his chest and could not look into his blues eyes.  When we held each other and were silenced in our mutual loss....more