Munchkins, Walkers And A Mother Hangover

Before I was somebody’s mother, I used to cover up the gray.  I used to get my hair blown out.   My make-up saw the light of day.  Happy hour wasn’t my daughter’s nightly nap.  Putting on lotion wasn’t a luxury.  My heels and skirts weren’t considered vintage.   Saturday, my single-for-a-day alter ego, Dirty Martini, came out to play.  She only makes rare appearances, once every six months to a year.  She knows when I really need her to appear. ...more

True Love: A Shart Story

Sometimes as writers, we find inspiration from the posts of our blogger friends.  Sometimes, they are profound and sometimes they are about, well, poop.  I have no idea exactly who started this topic trend, but here is my story.   ...more

Curse of the Copycat Child

Yesterday, while on the phone with a friend, I forgot that I had a kid and let the word “b#$^*” slip out.  Babyface was quietly playing with her Polly Pockets in the dining room.  Out of sight, out of mind, right? ...more

Sixteen Candles Retro-Revival

When I was 13, I was obsessed with Sixteen Candles.  When I say obsessed, I don’t mean I watched it every once in a while with my girlfriends; I mean I recorded it with my VCR and would run home to watch it after school almost EVERYDAY, while I ate my Bugles or Hostess snacks (anything that hasn’t been banned from the snack aisle today and is now considered contraband).  Sometimes I would make French bread pizzas with non-organic mozzarella and canned tomato sauce, which is pretty much as revered as smoking these days.  I was a real rebel, can’t you tell? ...more

Mommy's TV Time

I tried to watch Homeland the other day and I had to rewind the first five minutes five times, before I turned it off.  Not because it isn’t a great show.  I’m sure it is.  I couldn’t watch it because of my attention span.  After having my four-year-old, my attention span is that of, well…a four-year-old.   ...more

Dare To Dream

My daughter’s rocket ship sighting the other day reminded me of a recent visit to a local, Art and Wine Festival.  I love to stroll, glass of wine in hand, and booth shop.  Usually, I just look at and buy small trinkets.  Maybe, stop and watch the drunken dancers by the main stage.   ...more

One Confident MILF

In my early 20s, I would go to a party or a bar with my flirting-able girlfriends and watch them get the guys, while I waited to be the DD.  I could put on my best dress, spend an hour on my hair and even make an awkward attempt at winking, but I would always be the one standing by the door with the keys.  Occasionally, some drunken guy, who decided to be my dance partner without asking, would approach me with his butt in the air and I would make a wild dash to the ladies lounge.   ...more

Badge of Courage

A couple of weeks ago, I took my daughter to get her flu shot at our local, private clinic.  They have those come-one, come-all express days, where you stand in a line, fill out a yellow sheet claiming crazy things like you’ve never been severely ill after the flu shot, you’re not allergic to eggs and you’ve never had Guillain-Barre Syndrome.  Of course, I mark “no” on all and never give the list a second thought.  Guillain-Barre has got to be pretty rare, right?   ...more

My Football Fever Is Contagious

I am about to utter words that I never thought would leave my mouth or be tapped by my fingers.  Words that when put together once invoked nausea.  Words that my husband probably prayed for BEFORE his own health.  The words: I LOVE FOOTBALL.  That’s it, everyone, hell has officially frozen over.  Global warming will soon come to a close. ...more
@Light Nope.  Not Rex Ryan.  My lips are sealed :)  I'm glad you can share in my newfound love ...more

Bum Cholera and Zombie Juice

My daughter was nowhere in sight.  I’m always the first to panic when our kids disappear at the park.   I panic like a mommy with an only child.    ...more