Satan Sent Me Spam (or My DVD Player Just Hates Me)

Last night I spent all evening trying to determine the source of the following cryptic message on my DVD player: ...more
I think the Wiggles are the worst. Not only are they freakin annoying to listen to, but they're ...more

Cosleeping? You're Not in the Boom Boom Room Anymore

Deciding to co-sleep with baby is a major decision that will affect your family as well as your bedroom. You must consider how your bedroom will metamorphose when you introduce a tiny, erratic sleeper. Not only will the look of your room change -- burp cloths here, a crib and changing table there, glider rocker in the corner -- but the room's personality and function will change. Its sex appeal will evaporate leaving a castrated version of your kinky love nest. Quicker than you can say, "Not in front of the baby, Honey," your former Boom Boom* Room, where baby was made, will be converted into a room for baby's rest and pleasure alone....more
@sassymonkey I know, right? The song was playing on the radio and I couldn't get it out of my ...more

I Want A Twisted Sister Wife For Christmas

Are you too much for one man to handle but don't want another man? Are you craving feminine companionship and support in a completely straight way? Are you wondering how you're gonna stay sane looking after the kids day after day on your own while your hubby's at work? If you answered yes to all three questions, I have a solution for you. Be my partner in crime, a modern Sister Wife, a woman with whom I'll share everything except my husband....more

My Doctor Made Me More Depressed

After being housebound for a month due to whacked sleep schedules and exotic illnesses, I had an epic meltdown complete with profanity, tears and throwing things against the wall. Since that behaviour was over the top, even for me, I decided that enough was enough and it was time to seek professional help. By that I mean, Google my symptoms on the internet....more
@BlogHerMoms Thanks for sharing the love! I plan to write regular updates on drug-free ...more

Gratitude List (Part 2)

I'm thankful that:...more

Help Me! My Kids Have Put Me Under House Arrest!

If you are reading this message, it means the monsters haven't cut off the internet yet, my last link with the outside world. They've taken away almost everything else I cherish: my free time, sanity, private bathroom breaks, baths, play dates, and time outside the home.M and Em have imposed Homebody Rule and devised several means to enforce it:...more

What Goes Down Must Come Up

At first I felt strong, pedalling uphill, into a strong headwind, towing my firstborn behind me. The hill is steep and long, and many a person walks her bike up it, but I'd gone up that hill before and wasn't going to let a little (50 km/hr or 30 mph) wind stop me. My cadence was crap and my handlebars dipped perilously from side to side, but every revolution of my wheels brought me closer to the top. I started to feel like The Little Engine That Could - I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. - except my rhythm was more like I. Think. I. Can. Ithink. I. Can. I....more

What Happens When Mommy's the Princess

Since I failed to be pained by a pea beneath my mattress, it's clear that I'm no Princess. However, I'm pretty sure I was a Princess in my last life since certain sensitivities and snobberies persist despite my current modest place in society....more
@Tattie Weasle You could have been a Princess too! Who says there weren't potty-mouthed ...more

The Princess And The Pee

During the preschool years, like many little girls, I yearned to be a Princess. I practiced walking very daintily and holding my pinky out when I drank tea, used my very best manners whenever I could remember to, made daisy chain crowns, paper crowns and cardboard and tin foil crowns, turned any scrap of fabric into a princess dress (and wore Mommy's shoes to complete the look), and even caught a frog with the intent of kissing it. The latter didn't go so well because of all the frogs I could have chosen, I picked a weak, sickly-looking runt that almost perished in my determined grasp....more
@mtdewqueen That video sounds priceless!! Make copies and hide them! : ) more

Lessons Learned From A Wannabe Baby Name Stealing Bxtch

According to a girl who is no longer my friend, I made a few massive mistakes when I got pregnant with M. For starters, I shouldn't  have gotten pregnant before her. Second, I should have had a boy, not a girl. Third, since I couldn't change my baby's gender, I should have named her something else. Had she told me like that, we could have laughed about it and remained friends. Unfortunately, events unfolded differently due to hormones and crappy communication. I'll take the high road and leave it at that....more