If I were a turtle...

I'd have a sprawling gait. My bones would be thick. My vital organs would be completely enclosed.I would never feel the pressure, nor the desire, to come out of my shell..................................... ....more

Dance

A new session of Beginning Ballet started tonight, and there were 13 dancers in a studio that really fits about eight, maybe nine. When I started dancing again, two years ago (I thought it was one year, but my teacher thinks it's two and I don't argue with him) there were four of us. Fifty-percent of the class was named Sarah then, and I remember the rond de jambe combination made me want to cry ....more

Library Meditation

The Library might be my favorite place in the world. Not any specific library, but all libraries, everywhere. The general concept of The Library.But I also love my library in particular, which is how I think of the branch in my city ....more

Beheld

There is so much right and good and wow in my life right now.I've finally hit some sort stride with parenting, where I'm actually getting things right occasionally! I have more patience, and even when my patience isn't there, I can act as if and still feel like I'm giving my children what they need. My relationship with my partner has never been stronger ....more

Weaned

Ivy nursed for the last time on the evening of her fourth birthday. Which means she nursed exactly two full years longer than I expected her to.Weaning was not really her idea, but I could see that she was easing into being done. I noticed her going to bed without asking to nurse more and more often, and as we inched toward her fourth birthday, I thought that might be a natural cut-off point ....more

Not Quite Write

I have a day to myself. I went to the library to write, thinking I'd sit in the quiet with other people writing (and reading and studying and working) and write.When you write nothing except the occasional e-mail or stream-of-consciousness journal entry (on paper! With a pen!) for a year, trying to write anything feels.. ....more

The Lost Year

Ivy turns four tomorrow. Trying to remember the year, all I can think about at first is food and my body.It's ugly and selfish. Even memories in which she plays a part (holding her on my arm for the entire six-hour flight home from Miami) are mostly about food (binge-eating chips and granola bars to stay awake and give myself something to do while two heavy-as-lead children sleep on top of me).Ivy started preschool ....more

Last Weeks of Two

Lately whenever I come into a room where Ivy has been playing on her own for a while, I find a perfect little row of something: robot blocks arranged neatly, side-by-side, according to color. Tiny plastic pigs standing in an expectant row. A stuffed-animal kick-line ....more

Trimming Beans

I adore fresh green beans, but for the longest time, I rarely bought them. Because trimming green beans is one of my least favorite kitchen activities. It's not especially difficult or messy, but...more

Getting Someone (Else) Off My Chest

It is August, 2009. I write, "I can't imagine nursing a two-year-old. I think I would go crazy."...more
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