Not Quite Write

I have a day to myself. I went to the library to write, thinking I'd sit in the quiet with other people writing (and reading and studying and working) and write.When you write nothing except the occasional e-mail or stream-of-consciousness journal entry (on paper! With a pen!) for a year, trying to write anything feels.. ....more

The Lost Year

Ivy turns four tomorrow. Trying to remember the year, all I can think about at first is food and my body.It's ugly and selfish. Even memories in which she plays a part (holding her on my arm for the entire six-hour flight home from Miami) are mostly about food (binge-eating chips and granola bars to stay awake and give myself something to do while two heavy-as-lead children sleep on top of me).Ivy started preschool ....more

Last Weeks of Two

Lately whenever I come into a room where Ivy has been playing on her own for a while, I find a perfect little row of something: robot blocks arranged neatly, side-by-side, according to color. Tiny plastic pigs standing in an expectant row. A stuffed-animal kick-line ....more

Trimming Beans

I adore fresh green beans, but for the longest time, I rarely bought them. Because trimming green beans is one of my least favorite kitchen activities. It's not especially difficult or messy, but...more

Getting Someone (Else) Off My Chest

It is August, 2009. I write, "I can't imagine nursing a two-year-old. I think I would go crazy."...more

Two Good Days

Finally, finally something clicked and I've had two consecutive days now where I didn't feel like blowing my brains out. Things haven't been easier, not really. But I've felt more calm and even ....more

Seven (& Eleven Days)

Westley turned seven on the first of this month. I wasn't really sure what to say about that. I thought I might copy off my own paper, so I glanced back at the things I wrote about his sixth birthday ....more

Halloween '14

We got really into Halloween this year. We put up decorations, we carved pumpkins (twice!), and the kids had their costumes picked out well in advance. At first, Westley wanted to be a ninja, and I did a little happy dance, because that's among the easiest costumes ever: black hoodie he already owns plus black Toms he already owns plus thrift-store black sweatpants and done!...more

Fall Down

The difficult thing about healing my psychosomatic pain wasn't getting around the "it's all in your head" notion. It wasn't side-stepping the idea that because there isn't something physiologically wrong, my pain wasn't "serious." I've been in my head before, and it's dark and terrifying sometimes. All in my...more

How I Got My Back Back

On Sunday I helped lift a giant refrigerator up and down stairs. Today I carried a squirmy toddler all over the zoo in my arms for three and a half hours. My back feels fine ....more