Mommy Jeopardy!

“Welcome to this very special episode of Mommy Jeopardy! Our contestants, all too sleepy to actually introduce themselves, will choose from six categories today, all related to their occupation of Motherhood. Let’s get started.” “I’ll take ‘Kids are for the Strong of Stomach’ for $200, Alex.” “The answer is…” “What are toddler boy feet after marinating in shoes for two-plus hours, Alex?” ”That is correct.” “Let’s go with ‘Kids are for the Strong of Stomach’ for $400.” “The answer is…” “What is the car seat?” “No, but a good guess.” “What is the bathtub, Alex.” “Yes.” “Let’s go ahead to ‘Kids are for the Strong of Stomach’ for $600.” “The answer is…” “What is chunky vomit?” “Of course.” “’Kids are for the Strong of Stomach’ for $800.” “What is removing a splinter?” “That is incorrect ....more

Fully Endorsed Anxiety.

These are the things I worry about: stray cats slipping into my car while I’m unloading groceries, my phone becoming sentient and turning on the camera at inopportune times and live-streaming those inopportune times to the world, and the consequences of endorsing my husband’s name on the backs of checks. Every now and then, he’ll get a random check in the mail – for this or that, or for whatever. The chances that I will remember at night after a full day of parenting to ask my husband to sign the back of the check are smaller than a gnat’s mammary glands, so I typically end up signing his name for him while I’m in the drive-thru line at the bank ....more

On Disagreements and Marriage.

It’s been fourteen years, celebrated by a trip to Savannah last weekend. Fourteen years happened to mark the time period where our perceived age and length of marriage crossed over a precipice together: after asking how long we’d been married, everyone looked at us like we were lying and/or possibly the victims of an arranged marriage at the age of twelve. Which can only be good for my personal perception of my aged appearance, I suppose ....more

Pinterexia Nervosa: A Diagnostic Guide.

Originally published June 13, 2013. Pinterexia Nervosa is a body/home image disorder in which people have an intense anxiety over ensuring that their life is completely pinnable at any moment. This disease is most often diagnosed in women and most prevalent post-childbirth, as the quantity of contractible symptoms grow when children are involved ....more

Moms Need Retreats.

A couple of months ago, my husband gave me an assignment. He demanded that I plan a trip for the moms in our small group. He also made the suggestion that changed everything ....more

On Experiencing a Personal-Sized Tornado.

Last weekend I went on a girl’s trip with a few Moms in my small group. But I’ll get back to that another day. I got home from that trip around 3:15 Sunday afternoon, and when I drove up and parked, Fred (The Cat) came running up to me, with a very uncharacteristic nervous series of meows ....more

Discovering The Soul of Trains.

Last Sunday was our annual trek out to Calera to visit Thomas the Train. But this year, we managed to get there earlier than usual, and it was much less crowded than it has been in the past. These two factors gave us ample opportunity to explore everything else at the location – something we’d never really done before ....more

An Important Opinion Piece on Emoji.

Emoji have always been a peculiar thing. A thing that I use every day, but that also creates many problems in my mind. A year or so ago, I began documenting these issues in a note on my iPhone, hoping that one day, Siri would read my note and offer an answer for my many perplexing curiosities ....more

Bits and Pieces Of Life.

I’m seriously behind at life right now. Despite the fact that I feel like I’ve been breathlessly working all week to get caught up. Okay no I lied ....more

On Becoming a Texter.

Using my voice has been a challenging exercise in the past week and a half, and it was at its peak of impossibility last Thursday. Chris had arranged for his Mom to stay with the kids all day so that I could rest quietly upstairs, which worked out well since I ended up getting checked into the hospital that afternoon. But that morning, I knew I needed a way to communicate with the downstairs world, and since my vocal chords were unwilling, I did something that Ali had desired for a long, long time ....more