Pardon My French, But J'ai Peur

It is Tuesday night. Dinner is over, the kitchen is cleaned up, lunches are made. At this point in the evening, on most Tuesday nights, I read my blog to my semi-interested husband and very uninterested daughter. I like to hear the words as I speak them aloud because the oral rendition shines a light on improper grammar or poor word choices. I then tweak what I have written and wait for inspiration to hit me on Wednesday when I tweak some more before posting on Thursday. That’s my routine, but it’s Tuesday night and I have no blog. I guess I’m in the fog about what to blog. (See?...more

Tell A Joke, Save a Life

If laughter is indeed the best medicine, it would explain why I never feel well. I’m just not the ha-ha type. I always knew I lacked the rip-roaring gene, but I never really thought much about it. Until Marge made a comment. All it takes is one aside from my mother and I feel myself bristle. “You don’t laugh much, Amy, but when you do, you kind of have a nervous laugh,” she felt fit to share. It was on the heels of a recent hair appointment I went to with my daughter....more

This is Spooky...I Knew You Were Going to Read My Blog

In a moment of self-promotion, I mentioned my blog to a room full of women. A friend of mine immediately quipped, “Oh, I love your blog. I swear, it’s like you read my mind.” I chuckled and said, “Oh, that’s because I have ESP.” A joke, to be sure, but maybe not so far from the truth. Like most people I have times where I think of someone out of the blue only to have that person contact me minutes later. Or I sense that something is going to happen prior to the actual occurrence. To me, this could be classified as “Everyday ESP”....more

We're All Going to Die (or Should I Say Get Lost?)

Death is such a dirty word. So dirty that we find euphemisms to cover over the pain the word evokes. Six feet under, kicked the bucket, resting in peace, we all know what those connote even with their lighter and gentler approach. Asleep in Jesus is one euphemism I’ve never understood. I get Asleep WITH Jesus but how is someone IN Jesus? And yet it must make sense to many people because I read that phrasing all the time in the obituaries. But the word that truly baffles me is “lost”. As if all we have to do is look a little harder and we’ll find the person who has died....more

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is a Misnomer

Only I could make Breast Cancer Awareness Month all about me – a person who (thankfully) has never had breast cancer. That’s not to say I haven’t experienced it first hand: I helped my mother through two separate bouts and watched the pain and grief and futility wrack her body on more occasions than either of us cares to remember. Cancer isn’t pretty and it isn’t kind. And for those of us on the sidelines, it’s frustrating. Frustrating when you see someone suffering and frustrating when you can’t be there and frustrating when you feel helpless....more

Halloween Brings Out the Scaredy Cat in Me

The only kind of Boo I want to be associated with is the one that is followed with a Hoo. Other than that, don’t even think of trying to scare me....more

Diary of a Wimpy Mom

I’ve never baited, hooked or cast but I can fish with the best of them. My fishing doesn’t involve worms or poles; my fishing is neither sport nor relaxation. My fishing is shameless and the return is often not worth the effort. And yet I keep at it. A desperate ploy by an unappreciated woman – now that’s truly sad....more

The Best Form of Punishment

Just one look. With one look she could obliterate a city and bring tyrants to their knees. With one look she could stop traffic, move mountains and make me and my sisters squirm. She called it “The Pearlman* Stare”. I called it creepy....more

If Vintage is In, Why Doesn't Anyone Have a Home Phone Anymore?

I saw the most amazing sight the other day. It wasn’t a double rainbow or a mama cow giving birth to a calf – all of those could certainly be deemed amazing. It wasn’t even my daughter washing my car or folding a load of laundry – other amazing sights to behold. The thing I saw was just as uncommon and out-of-the ordinary as those things and just as gratifying. A simple pay phone. That’s what I saw. Nothing newfangled about it; no upgrades to the ones I remember from my youth. Just plain and simple and, well, beautiful....more

How Not to Write An Obituary

I really thought that my demise would signal the end of my years of editing and writing, but after reading a questionable obituary the other day, I now know my writing skills must be utilized even after death. The obituary I am referring to was glowing…initially.“She loved four-letter words almost as much as gardenias, hot-air balloons, needlepoint and kokopellis.”...more