I wriggle in the over-stuffed chair, shifting my knees from side-to-side, searching for something to say to fill the silence.My therapist gazes patiently at me. Long pauses don't bother her one bit."The thing is....", I begin.She waits."The thing about blowing up your life is that you get to sift through the ashes, searching for the remains - the shards - that really mean something to you."I speak in the second person, because it's too hard too say "me" or "I". ...more

Philip Seymour Hoffman: How COULD he?

I was scrolling mindlessly through my Facebook feed, the day the news broke, and I saw someone post "RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman. So sad."My response was visceral and possessive: ...more

Just Because

My eleven year old daughter leans into me, out of the blue, and sighs happily.I rest my chin on the top of her head (the top of her head? when did she get so tall?) and inhale her musky-strawberry scent."What's up?" I ask."Nothing, Momma," she mumbles. ...more

The Other Side of Fear

I want to say a heartfelt thank you to all the support, love and encouragement I have received since my last post about my relapse. I'm pleased to report that the saying "feelings aren't facts" is totally true. ...more

My Truth - On Relapse, Recovery and Getting Out Of My Own Way

For many, if not most, of the people in my day-to-day life I am the only alcoholic - at least self-admitted alcoholic - they know.Or, perhaps more accurately, I am the only alcoholic in recovery they know. Over half the population in the United States has been directly or indirectly impacted by addiction, and many people are familiar only with the ugly, destructive face of alcoholism; the one that rips apart families, destroys childhoods and brings so much sorrow and fear.In 2008 I decided to start blogging about my journey in recovery. ...more

On Motherhood and Alcohol

This week has been nothing short of miraculous. Here's how that past five days have gone down: My husband is away on his annual fishing trip My son threw up all night on Sunday I got a bad chest cold with a hacking cough that robbed me of what little sleep I could have gotten. My daughter threw up all night on Tuesday night ....more

Still Behind The Veil

Two years ago I found the lump in my neck.As with all life changing events, it seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago. I still struggle. I still struggle with anxiety and depression about my cancer ....more

Pride Is Not A Dirty Word

shame (SHām) noun 1. ...more

Introverted Extrovert

Whenever I make a new friend, somewhere innocuous like the soccer sidelines, or a new neighbor, (as opposed to through a recovery, business or internet connection where someone already knows me, or knows of me) there is inevitably that moment....more

I Asked Google The Big Life Questions, And This Is What I Found...

Sometimes I check how people find my blog, and it's always a combination of funny and poignant. A sampling from the last twenty-four hours:"I am drinking and scared""Is it bad that I can't find where I hid my wine""I forget things when I drink""I need help with drinking""Motherhood is hard""Do I want to be a Mom" "I drink alone"and the most popular:"Am I an alcoholic?"This got me thinking, and so I did some google searches of my own, to see what the top responses were to certain leading phrases....more