on writing a novel: you can't force the feeling

I've come to this space and stared at the blinking cursor, then backed away like a bulldog who got a whiff of dogcatcher net.The story I have been commissioned to write is a story that I didn't think would take this much out of me. I wake up in the morning and wonder why I feel so tired when I've slept all night. I feel less patient with my children and with Scott ....more

this is the sound of my head exploding

I have spent an hour trying to order a birthday present for a lifelong friend. I feel like I'm stuck in beaurocracy hell. We are going around in circles, and Lucy is sitting next to me, highly entertained by the fiasco ....more

why I'm talking about giving medication to my son

As a special education teacher, I used to inwardly roll my eyes when I'd look on a child's Individualized Education Plan and there'd be 27 medications listed. Really? Prozac for a six year old? ...more

when you actually want your kid to be diagnosed with something so you know what it is

So many people have asked how my son, now age eight, is doing these days.I'd like to say that he's doing great in every capacity. That he's number one on the soccer team; all sweaty boy at the end because he chased and chased that ball and even kicked it the wrong way sometimes. But he was so INTO that game like a normal little boy should be, so it was OK ....more

I lived.

Today at church the band played One Republic's "I Lived". To say that I was a weeping pile of humanity by the end of the song would maybe be sort of an understatement.Our foster daughter's voice rings once again throughout our house, thanks to the technology of Facetime and her awesome father."I hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay."Yeah. That's what I want for my life .I was thinking specifically during church of a friend who is adopting two children out of foster care ....more

The Children Around My Neck

Today I dropped off her purple shoe, size 7.5. She had left it behind and I probably held onto it longer than I should have. Who can blame me? She was mine for 11 months ....more

these exhausting days

Some days are just really great, and some days (like days in February after the holidays when I'm in a bit of a slump) just feel like they go on and on, with all of the same trappings.Cook.Clean. Clean again.Settle fights.Set two separate timers because both children are in time out and we must keep track of these things.Wonder when Scott will get home.I'm not fighting cancer (that I know of), my kids and husband are healthy and we live in a happy neighborhood with a great school. I can go to the store and literally buy or order anything my little heart desires.In some ways, those above facts make me feel worse ....more

My father knew it first

I sit here in the heart of an airplane. I watch men with bright orange vests and an orange glowing stick in each hand give the plane's pilot directions on this dark, wet night. My four children, young and free of care, have been handed over to trusted friends ....more

Why running from loss cheats us out of the good life.

I went for coffee with a lovely friend and we were talking about the direction of our writing.She is a super crunchy mama with surprise home birth twins. I feel like that should be her tag line, actually, because in this day in age it's pretty compelling for someone to have surprise twins. For months she thought maybe this baby had some sort of birth defect, but when it was time to see the midwife they could only feel one baby ....more

Mary

This is the blog of my beloved Aunt Mary.She won me over when, during my pregnancy with Lucy she, along with my sister in law, was one of the biggest champions I ever had. She'd send me daily emails, telling me to fight the good fight, reminding me that I only had to get through today because tomorrow has enough cares of its own.I've been wandering around the house today. I went to Costco, Target, gas station, optometrist, McDonalds ....more