Same situation, different interpretations, and an added helping of guilt trips

For the last two months, I have been gently trying to get my ex to agree to changing his access for the (Canadian) Thanksgiving weekend...and today, he finally agreed to do it the way I've been suggesting (insert Happy Dance here!). May I repeat though...I have been working on this for TWO MONTHS...and Canadian Thanksgiving isn't for another two months! ...more

Best Revenge After Leaving an Abusive Marriage

One might think that the best revenge after leaving an abusive marriage includes candles, incense, sacrificing a small animal, bumping into the ex with a VERY handsome man on your arm, or, um well, something illegal...but it's NOT.  The best revenge is getting your life back in order, as fast as you can, to show that he no longer has any power over you and your decisions.  As part of the "month from hell", he forced me to resign from a fulltime, permanent position I held at a university...who on ...more

It's not petty. It's great!


Example of an "escalation"

My best friend and I were chatting yesterday, musing about how my ex is starting to escalate, and wondering if he is going to escalate in the same pattern as he did after I had him removed from our home by police.  Last night, he proved our pondering to be correct.  In my experience though, predictability is good... Without going into too many details, my ex decided to report a "safety concern" at my apartment for one of our kids to the authorities.  As my mother put it this morning, any "normal person" would offer to help fix this concern, rather than ...more

People's reactions are all over the spectrum

After my husband and I split, it took me a few weeks to feel stable enough to start reconnecting with friends.  As I told my story, I received many reactions, some supportive and some were astonished, but I usually knew which reaction I was going to receive, depending on who I was speaking with.  Some examples: "But you two are the perfect couple."  - Thank you but I knew how to act to seem like we were. "Can't you two work it out?" - I have the police reports to show why we shouldn't try to work it out. "...more

I was never physically attracted to my ex husband

I finally admitted it.  I was never physically attracted to my ex husband.  I finally said it out loud to a girlfriend of mine recently, then to my counsellor, then to the same girlfriend because I had forgotten I had told her - at least I'm consistent in whom I trust with this kind of information!  I became attracted to my ex husband because of his charm, his wit, his sense of humour and his (I now realize fake) empathy towards us females.  When someone just seems to "get" you, it's amazing how attractive they become.  After the now infamous month of h...more

The "Divorce Diet" is what?

Since becoming separated, I have somehow lost 15lbs.  My food intake has basically consisted of fast food, pizza pockets and chips...not just any kind of chips, but Jalapeno Cheddar Doritos to be specific.  I should have bought stock before I separated...I would have more than made my money back by now.  After all, I go through one of the big bags every other day!  Hello, my name is RedPhoenix, and I'm an emotional eater. My kids' diets haven't changed though.  I continue to feed them what I made for them before their father and I separated.  I just can...more

It's totally not wrong that you don't want to cook in a stuffy, non-airconditioned apartment as ...more

Red flags were everywhere...but love is blind

Looking back on my marriage, how could I not see the red flags?!!   I made excuses for those red flags to everyone, and worse of all, to myself.  I walked into my marriage believing I got it "right" the first time, and that we would last forever.  He was my best friend for years, then we decided to "change our relationship" and were married within 8 months.  On paper, he was a great catch.  He was charming, intelligent, caring, compassionate, and patient.  I ignored that he was shorter than me - at 5'10" (I broke my own "no shorter than 6' t...more

I admit it, I mislead you.

My previous blogs were related to finding my purpose in life, and only hinted at a family crisis.  In fact, the reason I stopped writing my blog was because my blog entitled "Consciously thinking about being a poster child for double standards" enraged my "Dear" hubby so much, that I wasn't "allowed" to blog anymore.  The family crisis climaxed at the end of February and, without going into details, the authorities were involved, and unfortunately, continue to be involved.  My "Dear Hubby" wasn't so "Dear", even though I lead you to believe otherwise.  ...more

Great post - so many women have been involved with abusive and controlling men at some point, ...more

Consciously thinking about being a poster child for double standards

Lessons taught in Chapter 1 of Live Your Life’s Purpose: a Guidebook for Creating and Living Your Life’s Purpose:...more

My Life's Purpose and Maple Syrup Fingers

I started reading Live Your Life’s Purpose: a Guidebook for Creating and Living Your Life’s Purpose by Dorothy Ratusny today.  Actually, I tried to start reading it two days ago but got only two sentences in.  This morning while DH was making “Holiday Monday French Toast” (family tradition and very appropriate for Ontario, Canada...more