Don't bogart that lube

What else can I say? You saw it for yourself. A stoned vagina can orgasm without even a touch -- and I mean a big, wet, crashing oceanic orgasm. Look, Ma! No hands!...more

Somebody hand me those forceps please.

Vaginas are trending, and not just here on Reticulated Writer. Seven people sent me articles about this guy who got stuck in a marble vagina in Germany. And I thank you all for thinking about me. I love it when you send me porn articles about vaginas when you see vaginas in the news. And I get the hint: no more serious shit. Write about vaginas now....more

How much is that doggie in the window?

I lived with a dog most of m...more

Getting naked for a cause


And why not the clitoris?

And why not the clitoris? A loyal reader steered me toward Sophia Wallace's "cliteracy" art, and I thought, what if, instead of a tiny pocket penis, women carried a tiny clitoris around -- not a real one, you understand, because we already do carry a real one around....more

Sorry, I Won't Be Bringing My Dick to the Table

Guess what "BRDTTT" stands for? You won't get it, so I'll tell you. Bring Your Dick to the Table. Apparently the artist—and I use that term loosely—believes women can keep these expensive little pet cocks in their pockets to grab on to when they lose confidence in, for example, themselves in a business situation with men. A whole inch and a half of penile self-confidence right in the palm of our small, feminine hands....more
TerriLynnMerritts Nope, that is not what men do with pocket pussies.more

The weight of being alone

A few months ago my future daughter-in-law Montana brought her best friend Arden over to see my new house before I moved in. After we'd walked through the empty rooms she asked me, "Who's going to live here with you?"...more

Mean Girls

A couple of weeks ago I took my daughter Elvira and my 2-year-old granddaughter Coraline to our local science museum to spend a snowy afternoon. It was Coraline's first time there, but Elvira and I were far more excited about going than she was. We were sure we knew what she'd like best -- the live animals -- because that's what we like best....more

Post-Karaoke Snippet #23

I left karaoke early tonight andwalked out to my van at 1:23 am,alone in a parking lot behind two closed bars,Ned Peppers and Hank's Hole in the Wall.As I pressed my key fob and unlockedmy driver's side door, a young black woman -- maybe 25 .... maybe 30 .......more

Working the pole

Maybe I'm one of those writers who writes things into reality. If so, that could be pretty cool, and I can expect to win the lottery even though I never buy a ticket. Or maybe the handypenis has simply become ubiquitous through no fault of my own. Doesn't matter, really, except that it happened again -- today, after I just wrote about it yesterday....more