Moving boxes....

This weekend we move our little family into a house that will become our home.  While filled with excitement the thought of moving everything is daunting, all those moving boxes that we pack all our belongings into.  However, it will be a fresh start from the last 12 months, which has seen me hospitalised a number of times, for months at a time, undertake ECT over two months, suffer retrograde amnesia spanning a year to three years, change of medications to find the right balance, undertaking counselling, and group therapy, and trying to move from being helpless to some level of f...more

Pain and Punishment.....

"When we cling to pain, we end up punishing ourselves". Leo BuscagliaEveryone suffers pain, and hurt at different stages in their lives.  It is just apart of life.  Some of us work through the pain, and get over it, but others, like me, relive those painful moments constantly, I relive the past way to often, and never seem to get past it....more

The trepidations move onto fears.......

The days and hours are counting down until I start my daily one hour train ride to my new job that is in an area I am passionate about.  My ability to do this job, skill wise is not my concern, because I know I have the skills, and experience to do this job well....more

The trepidations move onto fears.......

The days and hours are counting down until I start my daily one hour train ride to my new job that is in an area I am passionate about.  My ability to do this job, skill wise is not my concern, because I know I have the skills, and experience to do this job well....more

The family unit.....

You do not get to choose your parents or the family you are born into, unfortunately it just happens, with no decisions by you, or any choice of the people who will be around you for most of your life.  Some are born into luxury, some are born into poverty, some are born to be loved unconditionally, some are not shown what love is at all.....there are so many variants to where you grow up and with whom.  You cannot hope for the best, because you don’t know what is that is, you do not know until it is too late what a ‘real’ family should be, and how it would have been nice to get t...more
damn! .. My mom told me after visiting a therapist for the first time 25 yrs ago.. " So? now you ...more

There are no “Get Well” cards when you have depression......

One of the greatest things I have learnt since being sick with severe depression is that it is a lonely place to be.  For most, family and friends aren’t around as much as they use to be.  In fact, in some cases, like with me, they are never seen again.  This is the sad reality of mental illness, being deserted by those closest to you, with no explanation but what you suspect is because being around someone with severe depression feels unhealthy, it is too hard, and they don’t want to be around you....more

The power of music.....

I have grown up around music, and have grown to appreciate and love music from classical to some heavy metal, to pop, jazz, and everything in between.  This appreciation was fostered in me when at secondary school I became a musician, playing for the school bands, touring to different states, and taking music as a VCE subject, which has been totally useless in my adult life, but at the time seemed right, or what my Mother pushed me to do....more

The battle within myself.....

For a couple of months now I have felt like I may be on top of things, that I have finally started down that road to recovery from severe depression.  But deep down there is always the doubt in the back of my mind that maybe I am just manic, being unrealistic, thinking that what is happening is all but a dream that will never come true.  When do I reach a point, a level of wellness that I can actually know that I am ok, that the Black Dog has, this time, actually gone for a walk!...more

Did I die inside?....

Benjamin Franklin once said "many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five...."Benjamin Franklin was right.  The difference for me is that I died before I reached 18.  I often feel that I have died inside because of what severe depression has done to me.  Years of suffering without diagnosis and the right treatment has slowly killed me inside.  ...more

The fear of being social.....

I was never really a social butterfly.  I had a few friends growing up, but we didn’t live out of each other’s pockets, and didn’t hang out away from school.  I am not sure when my fear of socialising, or my social anxiety, started I just remember it always being there.  I was always afraid of meeting new people, being in a large group of people who were meant to socialise, really it was and is socialising in general. ...more