Rupture

A friend from long ago re-entered my life recently. His emergence a rupture in my energy field, causing me to travel fast through emotional registers. Some people and situations do that for me. Like a powerful magnet I am drawn, arms and legs free and outstretched - a cartoon character that goes “splat!” on the window. I tell myself I am strong; and I am. But I am not immune, and the breathless up and down leaves me confused....more

Create a Cushion of Space with Your Breath!

Eckhart Tolle "Be aware of your breathing. Notice how this takes attention away from your thinking and creates space." (Oneness With All Life)...more

Thrival

I have been going on a lot more dates lately. Well, not exactly dates I guess, at least not with men (although that is happening more too). I have been going out with friends more, and enjoying myself just being out and about as an adult woman (not as so and so’s Mom). This might not sound that unusual to those of you who have lives outside of your children, but as any full-time single parent knows, these types of outings tend to increase along with the ages of your children....more

Not a Deadline, but a Lifeline Instead

I am under a writing deadline. And like any good writer, I have paced, talked on the phone, made tea, groomed myself unnecessarily, and vacuumed obsessively (this time it was the compartment in the fridge that houses the fan components. Who knew there were so many wires involved?). I have also waylaid my unsuspecting loved ones and demanded they tell me how amazing I am, and how much they believe in me....more

Trickster Wind

Feeling resistant to write. Feeling more like observing, and letting my sense of smell, touch, and sight bring me present to those things that want to show themselves. Maybe I am the thing that wants to be seen. Maybe I want to show myself, displaying my essence in peacock splendor. ...more

Wisdom from My Mom "It's Always Nice to have Options"

A long time ago, when I was just a typical, know-it-all teenager, my mother was talking about something that I was not (as usual) listening to, when I heard her say the following statement, “It’s always nice to have options, dear” followed by more of whatever else she was talking about (remember I was a teenager, and therefore only listening to about 25% of what she said!). For whatever reason, on that particular day, my teenage brain let those particular words in, and my body was alerted to their meaning....more

I Am Filled With Words

It could be because I am a writer, or maybe it is just the nature of being an introvert, but when I am in groups I can go very quiet. I am listening and absorbing words, energies, reactions, all nuances within the group. Observation is unavoidable; analysis will take longer. It will clarify when I sit down to write. As I write, I begin to understand what I have been feeling, thinking, and documenting without even really being aware of it. I may be quiet, but I am filled with words....more

Shifting Paradigm

There was a time in the not too distant past when I thought, felt and truly believed that I had to operate as some kind of lone ranger. That it was shameful or embarrassing to both ask for and to receive help. This belief that I was supposed to handle everything in my life completely alone and in isolation was no doubt adopted early on, clinging to my psyche and embedding in my cells as a hard and fast truth. In quiet rebellion, I worked to change the direction of my thoughts, and of my life....more

Autumn

Fall is my favorite time of year. It is when the light changes and shadows grow. There is an unmistakable smell to autumn. I instinctively begin hoping to catch fall’s scent as summer fades from its glory. The open, rambling freedom of summer gives way to a more structured, more reflective time. As the leaves begin their journey from the treetops to the ground, a subtle sense of urgency begins to creep in. The days are growing shorter; there are things that must be done before the even shorter days of winter enshroud us. ...more

Fissures

Fissures run through the images of my mind. Family fun whispers to dust. Family whispers fun to dust. Cat dander lies under my nose. Kid noisiness abounds. Fissures abandon all hope. Fatigue forges through the fissures, soon turning to gorges. Deep, deep dark grottos of pain. Imaginings of a life never to be lived. Failure is a fissure that just keeps growing. Failure is a fissure that has no hope. Fissures swallowing up hope and happiness. Enough fissures will create an avalanche of affect....more