Christmas 2014 shaping up to be the least artisanal Christmas ever

There was a small part of me that believed there would be seasonal decor and greenery adorning the planters on the back deck by Christmas morning, at the latest. Was I wrong? Not entirely ....more

The 12 Days of Teen Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my teenager texted me: Just to let you know its not all my mess. Also, I’m going to clean it up. On the second day of Christmas my teenager texted me: Are you planning to go the store anytime soon? ...more

We may have to rethink our hiring practices

Click on the image to see how Teenage Boy fared in the review process ....more

Number of light bulbs may vary

Click on the picture to see how the process changes through the years. Then ask yourself, who would even ask a teenager to change a light bulb? ...more

Chicken pot lie

It is a longstanding tradition here at Suburban Kamikaze to begin every Thursday with a confession. Ok, so that's not true....more

99 Reasons to Drink in the Suburbs #33: Pinot No

As the creator of a 500 black sweater wardrobe, I am not in a position to play fashion critic. But I can't help but feel that that any wine bottle that goes out wearing one of these "Autumn Wine Sweaters" is making a mistake. I'm not saying there isn't a bottle out there somewhere with the grapes to pull it off....more

99 Reasons to Drink in the Suburbs #32: Lime does not heal all wounds

There is nothing quite like a lime to put you in the right frame of mind for the coming of winter. A lime reminds you that no matter how cold and dreary it is wherever you are, in other parts of the world people are warm and probably getting ready to grill some chicken in the backyard....more

To do and do not

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. But really, no shit. It must be nice to have the kind of problems that are so subtle that merely acknowledging them counts as actually taking a step ....more

Meanwhile, back in suburbia...

I come home from work to discover two hefty jack o' lanterns on the front steps. What's really spooky is that I can't find the splatter of seeds and pumpkin guts anywhere. Ordinarily, it requires very little investigation to reconstruct the movements of the 16-year-old girls who haunt my house ....more

Tourist season on the Danube

Greetings from Budapest! Or, as they say in Hungarian ... something very similar - at least in the Intercontinental Hotel, where they speak mostly English and where I have not had the opportunity to use my six-word Hungarian vocabulary as much as I had hoped ....more