Oh look. I'm being self referential about my self referential titles. How precocious.

 New Slogans for the Soup Industry...more

I am writing the title. Right now. It's fine. Okay then you do it. Well then shut up.

I am an adult. I have a career. I own my own home. I clog the tube slide at playland. I'm independent, intelligent, and capable of taking on responsibility. There's no reason in the world for me to fear commitment anymore. I can handle it now, and I actually think I'm ready to try....more

Some titles are better left unwritten.

Do Over!...more

Without pain, would this title be as beautiful?

If I were to say that the hot wax method of removing hair was for wimps, a large percentage of people would immediately grasp the implication inherent in that statement. This large percentage could accurately be described as "women", and the implication they were grasping would be that I had just purchased an Epilady.If I were to say that I had just purchased an Epilady, a large percentage of people would have absolutely no idea what I was talking about. This large percentage could accurately be described as "sane"....more

The serial number for this title is 64119482, and I HAVE IT REGISTERED.

You can't help but reflect on your life when you're standing over a hot air vent, heating a small dog to make it poo. It's just not a scenario anybody's imagination serves up when envisioning the future, and it comes as something of a shock to find oneself in it....more

An animal wouldn't have left behind a broken coffee maker (that oddly enough was way nicer than ...more