You’ve Got to Bat Your Eyes…Like This

Growing up, I was a total tomboy. I couldn't tell you exactly when I became girly, but I suspect it was around prom...because the dresses were pretty. For a girl, I'm pretty low maintenance. I usually wear eye makeup, but I only use foundation on special occasions. Makeup takes time, and I have no patience. Plus, I never really figured out how to use blush correctly. When I first heard about eyelash extensions, I thought: Perfect! Now I won't have to use mascara. Woo-hoo for 3.14 extra minutes of sleep! Sweet! ...more

The Trifecta: Old, Fat, and Small Boobs

This story I'm about to tell all happened within 30 minutes. I shit crap you not. Look. I cussed. You know it's real. Recently, I stopped by my old job to visit Matchmaker Coworker. Someone else was there that I hadn't seen in awhile. Forever-Single Old Guy: You look...different. Co-Worker: It's her eyelashes. She looks cute. ...more

Someone Get This Kick-Me Sign Off My Back

Soooooo...someone asked me out. Guy: Since you're single now, I hope you'll let me take you out sometime. Unfortunately for him, I overanalyze everything. So I was 99% sure "take you out" was code for "sleep with you." Guy: I know it's probably too soon, and I don't want to be your rebound, but I'm afraid that if I wait too long, some guy will scoop you up before I get a chance. As it turns out, he's just a nice guy, and my overanalyzation was unneeded. ...more

Queen Kitty

Esme the cat continued in her battle against Kiefer’s villianous reign of not allowing cats on the furniture. Now that she’s conquered the greatest battle of being allowed on the bed, she’s moved on to the lesser pieces of furniture, like Kiefer’s old recliner. Behold Esme’s throne! Also behold Esme’s Stop-Acting-Like-Paparazzi Look here....more
I gave up on that battle along time ago. My dog has made herself at home and expects all of the ...more

BlogHer in T-Minus 3…2…

BlogHer is in just a few days, and I’m super psyched to see… Misty’s Laws Go Jules Go Jen e Sais Quoi Confessions of a Cornfed Girl Let Me Start By Sayin...more

Johnny Depp: Single and Ready to Mingle

To Whom It May Concern Dear Boyfriend, I regret to inform that your window of opportunity has closed....more
Hah! Is Kieffer nervous?more

Shhhh! Secret Single Behaviors

Since I’m now cohabiting with Kiefer, I rewatched an episode of Sex and the City that tackled that question. Carrie stands in the kitchen eating jelly on crackers. Charlotte studies her pores. What are my secret single behaviors? What will Kiefer see that he doesn’t see now? And what will I have to change/hide? Eyebrow plucking. I mean…I don’t pluck. My eyebrows are just naturally that thin. After showering, I wander around in a towel....more

Look Into the Eyes of the Chupacabra

One of the best things about living with Kiefer, Boo, and Radley is that I no longer need an excuse to watch cartoons. Netflix, feel free to send me Strawberry Shortcake Disney and Pixar films....more

You’re Killing Me, Smalls!

Take me out to the ball game. Take me out with the crowd....more
I have never seen Sandlot, sounds funny.  My husband loves baseball and the Cincinnati Reds is ...more

How To Make the Perfect Mate

I watched Weird Science for one reason and one reason only: to learn how to create the perfect significant other. Here are the steps you need to follow: Cut out pictures of what you want your significant other to look like (e.g., eyes, hair style, etc.). Cut out pictures of the other traits you like (e.g., E = MC2 for intelligence). Feed the pictures into your computer scanner. Place a Barbie (or Ken) on a Life board game. Wear a bra on your head. Take a pic of you wearing the bra on your head a...more
Hahahah! I completely forgot about that movie! It's a nerd classic ;)more