On Choking.

The words are caught in my throat. I choke on them, daily. Nine people are gunned down by a relative child in the name of hate, most of them women, and I choke ....more

Misery Business.

"You know he wants to marry you, right?" Kyle said with that little laugh-snort he does when he's being smug. I've grown accustomed to it, except in arguments, where it still infuriates me. It has a wide range of nuance in his bizarre way of emoting, and here it carried the inflection of slight disbelief laced with maybe wounded amazement ....more

The Thing Of Which I May Not Speak.

As I learn to live with this latest heartbreak in my life, something that's compounded the loss is the realization, as I speak about it, that I never got to share the good parts, the high moments, of the past year. I worked so hard at keeping it quiet, to protect it -- to protect him, to protect us -- that a precious few people saw me rediscover happiness and love ... things I had thought has died inside of me a long time ago ....more

Done With A Capital D.

The thing about loving someone in secret is that when you lose them, you don't know what to do with your grief. When it is obvious, as in the case of a divorce, say -- people reach out to you, share their stories, commiserate. You find new tribes and supports and ways to get by until the sharp scathing pain and the choking lack of breath becomes a dull ache, and then a slight twinge ....more

On Outtakes and Examples.

I know I'm moving slowly into this new realm of blogging, and I really could be better about it. But an interesting thing happened with just this second outfit I tried to capture quickly amid the chaos of that. Someone else wanted to play dress-up, too ....more

Not What It Looks Like.

The sitting amid the clutter was slowly driving me insane. It's been over six months since Kyle moved out, however he's still at the house nearly every day to watch the kids while I work. We have had fights over things -- not allowed to change things in the house, not allowed to get rid of things, not allowed to do anything .. ....more

Moody Dawn 'Til Dusk Outfit.

The response to last week's post made me mushy inside, guys. Thanks for indulging me and being supportive of my silly interests and hobbies. Y'all are the best enablers a blogger could have ....more

Believing In Tomorrow.

Over a month ago, there was a clear day after the snow had all melted where the sun came out and the weather was kind enough to remind us all that Spring was right around the corner, if we'd just be patient. I kept finding myself staring out the opened windows at the vegetative decay that blanketed most of my yard, depressed by the graveyard of plants lingering after last year's efforts. You see, I never managed to go outside and clean up the gardens once the first and second frosts hit ....more

My Awkward and Official Foray Into (Feminist?) Fashion Blogging.

It often feels to me like the most vapid thing I could do with this space at this place in my life is to turn it into some drivel about superficial things. And yet, I've been meaning for months to do a more regular fashion-esque bit, because, once you parse out all of the stupid crap around stereotypical fashion blogs, (which that does NOT include the lovely ladies with whom I've participated in link ups and challenges prior -- I'm talking more the super unreasonably priced, seemingly un-self-aware ones) when you're in a place like the one I'm in, you sometimes kind of find yourself in your literal closet. At least I have ....more

On Doing The Work.

The hardest part is getting up the stairs. Maybe I should have written my way through this, like I have everything else. Maybe I shouldn't have ever held back or thought twice, but put all my dirty laundry out there for everyone to see, unashamed of the permanent stains on all my threadbare items ....more