On Re-Entry.

I went to NYC for BlogHer '15 and all I got was an extreme re-entry hangover. To be blunt, this trip was The Thing I Had To Look Forward To, when in my darker moments over the last couple of months, people with concern weighing their voices heavy would ask what I had to keep me going, to get me out of bed each morning and through my days without harm. If I could just get to mid-July, if I could just get to my roommates and the other people who love me, if I could just get back to the city and to learning and to expanding and to a moment to breathe away from everything that weighs me down here at home, then maybe .. ....more

A Late Night Letter.

Hey, you. So I just now finished watching Wild because I've come to grips with that my life these days is not conducive to reading all the things I'd like to -- and a funny thing happened. See, it's about this woman, Cheryl, who gets through her divorce and the death of her mom and a slight heroin addiction by hiking some trail that runs from practically Mexico to Canada over on the West Coastish area ....more

On Choking.

The words are caught in my throat. I choke on them, daily. Nine people are gunned down by a relative child in the name of hate, most of them women, and I choke ....more

Misery Business.

"You know he wants to marry you, right?" Kyle said with that little laugh-snort he does when he's being smug. I've grown accustomed to it, except in arguments, where it still infuriates me. It has a wide range of nuance in his bizarre way of emoting, and here it carried the inflection of slight disbelief laced with maybe wounded amazement ....more

The Thing Of Which I May Not Speak.

As I learn to live with this latest heartbreak in my life, something that's compounded the loss is the realization, as I speak about it, that I never got to share the good parts, the high moments, of the past year. I worked so hard at keeping it quiet, to protect it -- to protect him, to protect us -- that a precious few people saw me rediscover happiness and love ... things I had thought has died inside of me a long time ago ....more

Done With A Capital D.

The thing about loving someone in secret is that when you lose them, you don't know what to do with your grief. When it is obvious, as in the case of a divorce, say -- people reach out to you, share their stories, commiserate. You find new tribes and supports and ways to get by until the sharp scathing pain and the choking lack of breath becomes a dull ache, and then a slight twinge ....more

On Outtakes and Examples.

I know I'm moving slowly into this new realm of blogging, and I really could be better about it. But an interesting thing happened with just this second outfit I tried to capture quickly amid the chaos of that. Someone else wanted to play dress-up, too ....more

Not What It Looks Like.

The sitting amid the clutter was slowly driving me insane. It's been over six months since Kyle moved out, however he's still at the house nearly every day to watch the kids while I work. We have had fights over things -- not allowed to change things in the house, not allowed to get rid of things, not allowed to do anything .. ....more

Moody Dawn 'Til Dusk Outfit.

The response to last week's post made me mushy inside, guys. Thanks for indulging me and being supportive of my silly interests and hobbies. Y'all are the best enablers a blogger could have ....more

Believing In Tomorrow.

Over a month ago, there was a clear day after the snow had all melted where the sun came out and the weather was kind enough to remind us all that Spring was right around the corner, if we'd just be patient. I kept finding myself staring out the opened windows at the vegetative decay that blanketed most of my yard, depressed by the graveyard of plants lingering after last year's efforts. You see, I never managed to go outside and clean up the gardens once the first and second frosts hit ....more