The Myth of Motherhood: Why being a Mom is not supposed to make you “Happy”
Do you ever wonder why being a Mom isn’t as fulfilling as you thought it was going to be??? Do you feel like there is something wrong with you because hard as you try you feel like a failure as a Mom??? Do you constantly feel guilty because you don’t enjoy this wonderful world of Motherhood??? Well I have a little secret that no one wants to tell you........
Being a Mom is NOT supposed to make you happy!!!! Being a Mom is rewarding sure at times (sometimes, maybe), but honestly where did we come up with the idea that being a Mom was supposed to be the most fulfilling experience ever??? Maybe you are one of the lucky ones being born with the “I love being a parent gene” but it obviously didn’t get incorporated into my DNA that’s for sure. And why would anyone actually think that taking care of another human being 24hrs a day 7 days a week until the end of time as we know it would be fulfilling??? That’s just crazy talk in my book.
Being a Mom is so unbelievably hard, that is the bottom line. Even if you are told this no one actually believes the extent of how hard it is till you experience it for yourself. Then why do we continue to feel like failures if Motherhood doesn’t fulfill us like it is “supposed to”?
I have a theory, a working theory as it were and maybe I’m wrong but I think that every single person on the face of this earth believes that if they don’t have children then there will be something missing in their life. Well yes if you don’t have kids you are missing out on sleepless nights, poop explosions, being peed on, pooped on and puked on in the matter of let’s say 30 seconds, crying, incessant crying oh and whining too, also diapers, diapers and more diapers and did I mention the whole poop thing. What else are you missing out on, having freedom, freedom to be and do what you want, freedom to take a pee without having both kids in the bathroom with you, freedom to be alone, freedom to go where you want to when you want to with whoever you want to. And I could honestly go on and on and on..... So why do we feel like all this stuff is supposed to make you happy??? Well it isn’t, it’s the other stuff that is supposed to make you happy, the cuddles, the kisses, the hugs, the smiles, knowing that you are contributing to the future of this world by having a child. Really, is that what happiness is? Having another person fulfill you and validate you? I think not, but then again I could be wrong.
I think that as Moms we need to reclaim our right to be individuals. We need to remember who we used to be before kids and try as hard as we can to reclaim some of it. I think that expecting another person to fulfill you is crazy talk. Your kids shouldn’t have that much control over your happiness and fulfillment. Look at it this way, What if right after you got married you were told that you had to give up everything that made you who you where and just live your life to please you new husband??? To fulfill all of his needs and desires, 24hrs and day 7 days a week till the end of time and then if that same person said that it should make you happy to do that for your husband, what would you say to them???? I know what I would say, a big fat slap to the face and a “are you kidding me this is 2014, I am allowed to have my own life and my own dreams and be my own person”. Then why do we expect that from ourselves when we have kids??? Why do we think that would be any different? Maybe because we created this little creature and carried it for 9 months or maybe because we really really wanted to have kids so so bad and now we feel like we should be happy, we got what we wanted, right???
I want to challenge you to stand up with me and say “yes, I wanted kids, but I am also my own person separate from my children. I am still me and I will take care of myself!!!” I want you to tell your husbands, partners, boyfriends, sisters, brothers, parents, grandparents......I NEED HELP!!! I Need Time To Be Me Again!!! Please look after my kid(s) for 2 hrs, an afternoon or the weekend because Mama needs some ME TIME!!!! I think that if every Mom asked for the time that they need to be themselves there would be a lot less depression and anxiety and a lot less marital distress and divorces. I beg of you please take a break from your children, they are not supposed to fulfill you, it’s hard work and everyone needs a break and just because you have a break doesn’t mean you are not a good Mom, it doesn’t make you a weak Mom, it makes you a STRONG MAMA because you have the courage to ask for time to take care of yourself, you have the courage to find yourself again, you have the courage to be YOU!!!
And Yes, I am taking my own advise, just spoke to my husband at work and he is taking the kids tomorrow so Mama can just do whatever the #%^* I want to!!! :o)
StrongMama 2.0 :o)