The Natural Campaigner
It doesn’t take much to amuse me.
The past few weeks I’ve seen several news stories about people who were apprehended wearing absolutely nothing. The man who was found casually eating ice cream after he’d crashed his car was sans clothing. The growing number of cannibalistic attacks in the USand Canadahave all had naked perpetrators. Earlier this week a woman in Florida was arrested while waiting (naked) on a bench waiting for a bus. It all captured my attention.
Now, I was born inOregonwhich has an extraordinarily liberal bend. There, if memory serves, you are perfectly welcome to prowl around your property in your birthday suit. The neighbors, if they are offended, have the right not to look. Free speech, according to those who live in the Western half of that State, anyway, includes your right to go thread-free. (Somebody, please correct me if I’m wrong here.)
This morning, while preparing to write this little piece, I did some research about “the natural” lifestyle. These days you can opt to go on clothing optional or totally clothing-free vacations. (Imagine the savings on extra bags at the airport!) There are vacation packages for nudists that include cruising, parasailing, skydiving, snorkeling, and even dog-sledding which strikes me as a little goofy. Frostbite on fingers, toes and noses is un-funny. I can’t imagine it on the other parts which might be exposed and/or permanently rendered useless on a “natural” sled-dog adventure.
Of course, because I am a political junkie, my fruitful imagination then settled for a moment upon a “natural” c-span wherein elected officials would make laws in the buff. The decorum of such coverage would lose something. Not that watching one side of the aisle knocking themselves out to impede the other is ever flattering. Seriously. I like John McCain, but I don’t want to watch him introduce bills with his bare bottom hanging out. And imagine Nancy Pelosi, if you can. Do you think facelifts would be evident if you had the chance to look at the rest of her??
We could take part in “natural” campaign rallies. I can see the fawning masses in their Barack Obama hats carrying signs which strategically cover their private parts for the sake of the news-viewers at home. Of course, Mitt Romney couldn’t take part in such an activity – his Mormon faith requires him to wear what’s called a Temple Garment at all times - but, I’m sure the incumbent wouldn’t bat an eyelash over appearing nekkit before his fans. In my humble opinion, the man’s a megalomaniac, so he’d probably see it as a gift to his disciples to appear wearing just a song and a campaign button. Oh. But where would he pin such an accessory, anyway?