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This NBC Leno/O'Brien late night brouhaha is better than "All My Children" in its heyday. It's got everything:
- Corporate blunders of epic proportions.
- Millionaires fighting it out over turf.
- Audiences protesting and taking sides.
- Two distinct personalities trapped in a legal, corporate morass.
- A peanut gallery of one, cackling about how payback is a bitch.
First, a little background. Five years ago, NBC told Jay Leno, "In five years we're replacing you with Conan O'Brien, 'cause if we don't seal him up now, he's going to the competition. Your audience is old and replaceable and we want Conan's following of 15-29-year-old frat boys who love guys with tilted red hair."
Jay was like, "But I'm number one!"
NBC was like, "But that won't last so you're out!"
Jay was like, "Okay, I'll go home to work on my 500 classic cars, see ya later, peacock."
David Letterman watched from afar.
As the time drew near for Conan to take over "The Tonight Show," NBC got colder feet than a groom at the altar. They wondered if Jay would really go home and work on his 500 classic cars, or whether he might not skip to ABC and give Conan a run.
More and more critics and audience members scratched their heads and asked, "Why is NBC kicking out Leno in 2009? He's still number one!" NBC flew into an executive panic.
They thought, "In primetime we're suffering from a fatal case of no-hit-itis, and we seriously need to save some money. We've got all those Olympics to pay for!"
Led by NBC/Universal CEO Jeff Zucker, the suits figured out a way to save money and also keep Jay out of ABC's clutches.
So they called up executive producer Dick Wolf and said, "Take your 'Law & Order' SUV, SVI, and UVS and your expensive, useless writers and scram! We're putting Leno in your 10PM time slot five nights a week."
I don't know what Dick Wolf said, but I'm sure it was unprintable.
Then the suits, led by Jeff Zucker, sat around congratulating themselves on a brilliant programming move.
It was bold! It was brash!
It was stupid!
After five months, Leno's un-funny prime-time show tanked, O'Brien's un-funny 11:35 "Tonight Show" tanked, and NBC's affiliates started screaming like a 6-year-old who's just found out there's no Santa Claus.
David Letterman watched and chuckled from afar.
See, "Law & Order" delivered more viewer eyeballs to the affiliates' local 11 o'clock news shows. With Leno, those eyeballs went elsewhere, and the 11 o'clock news shows slid into a ratings red zone.
Hence the screaming.
To make matters worse, the suits, led by Jeff Zucker told Leno, "Hey man, this ain't working. We're gonna put your failing 'Jay Leno Show' on at 11:35 for half an hour and bump O'Brien's failing "The Tonight Show" to 12:05."
Jay and his chin were like, "Okay."
However, when the suits, led by Jeff Zucker, told O'Brien, he went into an emotional tailspin. "The Tonight Show" was his dream, he said. It couldn't go on at 12:05, because as many other comedians had pointed out, that made it "The Tomorrow Morning Show."
So O'Brien said, "You suits, led by Jeff Zucker, if you move my failing show out of that 11:35 slot, I'm going home to work on Jay's 500 classic cars."
O'Brien showed he was serious by writing a letter to the public about it. It said in part:
My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.
David Letterman watched and laughed out loud.
You see, this had all happened before. When Johnny Carson was leaving "The Tonight Show" Letterman played the Conan O'Brien role. He was the one being shafted by NBC in favor of Jay Leno.
Payback, it seems, is a bitch.
After days of
