Never should have started that.....

The prompt is to write about a relationship I never should have had....

Whichever short, doomed "relationship" I choose to write about today will be very loosely classified as a "relationship".

I once made a list....of all of my "relationships".

Similar to the lists the sisters made this past weekend of "all of our jobs". BTW....Syd had the most jobs....and we followed in birth order for sheer numbers...Shani demonstrating her loyalty and vigilance on the job as usual.

I had a 5 year relationship. And a 9 year relationship. I am in the midst of a 22 year relationship. 14+22=36. Considering I started my first relationship at age 12.....

36+12=48, and I am 51...51-48=3....the other 8 or 9 "relationships" were all crammed into 3 years.

OK, readers...catch up on the math calculations.

DISCLAIMER: this is not taking into consideration one date wonders or hour(s) long hookups. I am smart enough to know those were NOT relationships.

I am torn between two misguided relationship choices that I made but I am going to write about the more innocent, but possibly, more damaging one.

I came home from taking the SAT. It was a Saturday. A bouquet of flowers had been delivered while I was away. Must have been my birthday? It was 1980 I guess.

I walked in my house and was confused. The card on the flowers said something about how awesome I was and it was signed by a "secret admirer".  Within minutes, the phone rang and a young boy's voice asked if I liked the flowers. "And you are"???????

I was a senior, he was a sophomore. Because I had a Math phobia, I was taking Geometry as a senior and this boy was in my class.

Mark and I began talking and he was very sweet. He thought I walked on water, so that helped a lot. He was an athlete. A track star. I was a swimmer and a "bat girl" for the baseball team. Neither of us could drive. He was too young (gasp!!), and I was on my way to failing my driver's test for the 3rd time in my second state. (OH, now AZ)  Our first date was to the movie, "Stir Crazy". His dad drove us and picked us up and waited in the car as he walked me to my side door and kissed me goodnight. I was so touched by his innocence. Sweetest boy ever. He had no idea how much I would hurt him in the next few months. Gosh I was wicked. Embarrassing.

The entire time I was "dating" Mark, I was sleeping with another guy. A senior. He had a girlfriend but he sure liked me...hmmmm...wonder why? Mark had no idea. I kept it that way.

My secret senior sex partner never really took me on dates or came to my races. Mark did all of the above. He carried my books, walked me to the bus stop, and wrote me love letters. I was his "first".

The night of my high school graduation, Mark wanted me to hang out with him. I begged off, after he came to the ceremony, cheered for me when my name was called, presented me with roses after the ceremony....I wanted to go to parties....with my secret senior sex partner. Grad night was going to be our big, public reveal. I was such a bitch. Oh my......

Unbeknownst to me, a car full of Mark's friends, who were clearly NOT in love with me and yet totally hip to my wickedness, followed me and my "grad date" around all night. Those young men got an eyeful of Dani.....several times over.

The next day, I met Mark for a late breakfast. His friend answered the door at Mark's house and let me know he "saw" me last night. He also let me know I was about to have my "LAST MEAL" with his best friend because he was going to blow my cover.

I cannot remember what we had for breakfast. I do remember saying goodbye to Mark and how tightly I squeezed him when we kissed. I also remember looking back as I walked to the corner and maybe feeling what can only be called REMORSE.

Mark never spoke to me again. Obviously.

I heard that he went super dark after his time with me. As a grown woman with children of my own, I feel shame over how I treated him. I genuinely cared about him. I just wasn't capable of being honest with him. I needed someone to love me and someone to love being with me. I needed the emotional relationship as well as the physical and I really don't remember which came first, the chicken or the egg. Yes, I was just a kid really. I knew nothing about anything.

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